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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of difference in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of difference in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #difference #income #men #women #information #features #comparisons
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The chart below shows the proportion of difference in income between males and females between 1979
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2008 in Japan,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
France
Use synonyms
 and Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident in the chart that there was a downward trend in all countries with Australia being an exception.
To Begin
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 with, in 1978,the difference in income
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 males and females in Japan stood at about 48% hitting the peak of the chart, in the following years, there was a steady decrease to 41% and
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 was the the highest among all countries in 2008.
Also
Linking Words
, in the same year, there was a similar pattern between
Austraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and
France
Use synonyms
.
France
Use synonyms
 stood at 20% with Japan slightly under it and they both decreased steadily with an intersection at 18% in 1998,
however
Linking Words
, Australia saw a rapid increase to 24% by 2008
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly to 18% being the lowest amongst the five countries.
Furthermore
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, the proportion of
difference
Add an article
the difference
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 in allowance in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and UK was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
33% and 29% respectively. Afterwards, they both witnessed a slight fall from 1988 to 1998 to a similar percentage of almost 19% and eventually stood at 27% and 28% respectively.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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