IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones . What problems can this create ?What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
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In the current situation, there are many older workers who have to compete with young
people
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 to find job opportunities.
This
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 essay will first suggest that the biggest problem is that today's youth have many advantages in terms of work flexibility and they are highly productive
people
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. The foremost problem is that older
people
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 are still quite backward and inflexible in their work. Meanwhile, young employees are full of energy and easily adapt to new things. The number of young employees accepted by businesses is clear evidence of
this
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.
For instance
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, every year hundreds of thousands of young
people
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 are welcomed into big companies like Google and Facebook, and youth is always their top priority.
Next,
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the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 force of each age group is different. So the fact that
people
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 with decades of experience still cannot compare with new graduates is because of
this
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.
Although
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 they may have a
lot
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 of experience, their workload is much less than other students. It can be seen that in the entertainment world, no matter how famous an artist was before, eventually when they get old, their popularity will decrease a
lot
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 and sooner or later they will be replaced by newcomers. A possible solution to
this
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 problem would be that,
instead
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 of looking for a job that requires a
lot
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 of flexibility, older
people
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 can look for places that need long-term experience in that field. Because there are
jobs
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 that require
The
Correct article usage
A
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 level of knowledge
is high
Verb problem
,
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 and young
people
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 lack that. Or there is a better solution, which is that patient
jobs
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such
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 as sewing and sewing will have less competition. At the same time, the Gen Z generation has habits so they are not suitable for
jobs
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 that require patience.
Thus
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,
although
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 the elderly who need
jobs
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 have to compete a
lot
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 with Gen Z, it brings many problems. But they have a way to solve them by finding suitable
jobs
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according to
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 their personality and abilities.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
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