IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The older poeple who need employment have to compete with younger ones what problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#poeple #employment #ones #create
Nowadays, it has been common to see older
people
 compete with the younger generation to have careers. Several problems relating
society
Change preposition
to society
show examples
 have been caused by
this
. They should be solved by effective
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 from the government our local authorities. The main problem causing the fighting between the old and young
people
 is that the old
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
usually have difficulty finding jobs because of age and knowledge,
flexibility
Correct word choice
and flexibility
show examples
. Because of
this
 century, now modern times, there is a lot of technological equipment
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
 to increase the efficiency of work and save time for the business. The other lessons, now are
people
 who have very good access to automation and flexibility, taking advantage of the devices. Because of the developments that help young
people
 become more and more prominent and disruptive to elderly
people
. In urban areas around the world,
for example
, a lot of young
people
 are in college, students who can make money to support themselves or their families, because of their ability to use
technology
 extremely well, and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 knowledge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
technology
. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more students choosing jobs in
technology
,
such
 as AI or writing programs
such
 as code because now it’s
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 century. If
people
 do not
buy
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to
this
 issue, it will become popular in
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the amount of unemployment, the government and the state can make policies that encourage
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 to organize programs or courses to supplement workers’ education
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
.
Moreover
, companies can
also
 divide workers’ jobs
according to
 their strengths, and that will help
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 not be affected. The young
people
 can share their intelligence and teach the older use
technology
 faster and improve the speed of working. Take everything into account, the competition between order in young
people
 to have a career because of age and knowledge or flexibility of the older. But the government or companies can solve the issue with their programs or courses for the elderly to teach them to use
technology
improving
Change the verb form
to improve
show examples
 the speed of working.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: