IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university to travel or work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #travel #work
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Nowadays, some
students
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 after graduating from high school tend to have a
gap
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year
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 before joining the
university
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 to do some jobs or explore new places.In my opinion,
while
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this
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 trend may bring some drawbacks, I would argue they are overshadowed by the benefits. On the one hand, it can not be denied that
students
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 are easily distracted from their attention to go to
university
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 if they have a
year
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 off.
This
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 is because when teenagers take a break from their normal academia, they may lose interest in studying, leading to difficulty reintegrating into the learning environment.
Moreover
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, in some cases, they are so absorbed in making money that they think going to college is not important and give up on it.
However
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, a
gap
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year
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 brings for
students
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 several benefits. First of all,
this
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 is a great opportunity for
students
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 to improve their shortcomings before entering
university
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.
For example
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, many
students
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 in high school just spend most of their time studying so they lack some soft skills
such
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 as
:
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apply
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 taking care of themselves or managing money, which are very important for an independent life in
university
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.
Therefore
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, by spending a
year
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off
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of
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working or travelling, young people can have a chance to practice those skills.
Secondly
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, a
gap
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year
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 allows
students
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 to heighten their horizons. Visiting a new place and doing some voluntary work help
students
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 meet new people and new cultures so they will have a broader perspective on life and their future. In conclusion, despite some drawbacks related to entering
university
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, taking a
gap
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year
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 still brings
students
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 more benefits, which help them expand their knowledge and improve themselves.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt and presents relevant examples to support the arguments. However, it could benefit from addressing potential counter-arguments to strengthen the argument further.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the essay. However, the essay could improve coherence and cohesion by using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Academic momentum
  • Practical experience
  • Financial pressures
  • Interim period
  • Soft skills
  • Maturity
  • Independence
  • Career exploration
  • Re-adjustment
  • Social setbacks
  • Informed decision-making
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