Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #society #immigrants #customs #codes #behaviour

Many

countries

in the world have war, disease and so on so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

a low quality of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

Change preposition

for

show examples

resident raise

desire

Add an article

the desire

show examples

to migrate to other

countries

. But they have to integrate into society in other

countries

newcomers

should try to adapt to local customs and codes of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. Personally, I completely agree with

this

view.

Firstly

, the option

Change preposition

for

show examples

newcomers

should find out everything about the law in

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

countries

is attractive because if they do not obey

law

Add an article

the law

show examples

, society would not function properly.

This

can be explained by the fact that road rules

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

different in each

countries

Change to a singular noun

country

show examples

newcomers

can make

accident

Correct article usage

an accident

show examples

if they do not know.

For example

, some

countries

allow owning a gun but in other

countries

Add a comma

countries,

show examples

gun is not allowed to use.

Therefore

, immigrants are deported back

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

countries

by the government in new

countries

Secondly

, immigrants should remember that societies are built on shared values so they have to respect that.

This

is because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the world

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

many different cultures

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

the

countries

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more interesting.

Change preposition

show examples

the other hand, if the

countries

have a lot of different cultures, people feel they do not belong there so societies are weak. So that the similarities between people bring them together

while

the differences pull them apart.

For example

, if two

countries

Change the verb form

are

show examples

close and their resident

migrate

Change the verb form

migrates

show examples

, their

countries

have cross-cultural

because

Add the preposition

because of

show examples

many cultural combine,

exchange

Correct word choice

and exchange

show examples

As a result

, many people in new

countries

can settle down and make new generations understand two cultures. In conclusion, it seems to me that

newcomers

should adapt to local customs and

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

because they must integrate to improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life in new

countries

. It is advisable that the government should make

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

for immigrants.

Submitted by anhnn201 on Wed Oct 25 2023

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task achievement

Provide a clearer thesis statement at the beginning of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph are focused on supporting that topic.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more accurately and precisely.

grammatical range and accuracy

Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article use.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The gap below shows the production levels of the three main textile fibres in Australia since 1983 with a projection for 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where releveant. Write at least 150 words.

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as many and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some countries around the world, there have been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of homeschooling education outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.