In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

#societies #emphasis #individualism #people #goals #desires #interests #development

In some groups of

people

, there is a growing term of

individualism

which is prioritizing individuals' objectives over collective importance. In my opinion,

this

is a harmful development because it makes

people

lack empathy and

also

increases the socioeconomic gap between

people

Firstly

individualism

can lead

people

to be empathyless.

This

is because when an entity starts to neglect the needs of a community, it reduces the sense of consideration for each other.

Furthermore

this

development could lead to bigger problems

such

as civil war.

For example

, in Indonesia, there are internal conflicts in the Java region

due to

individuals who take advantage of an

unfavorable

Change the spelling

unfavourable

show examples

society.

Thus

this

emphasis makes

people

unable to understand others' condition and only focus on their behalf.

Secondly

individualism

magnifies the socioeconomic status gaps between human beings.

This

is because the less fortunate community mostly relies on others to go through daily needs which is not the case for the higher status person.

This

development can amplify the gap since there is no one who throws a helping hand for lower-status

people

while

the higher ones are mostly self-reliant.

For example

, research conducted by the University of Sydney said that ever since there are individuals with high achievement in that country, the number of rich

people

in Indonesia is increasing each year side by side with the number of poor folk who are

also

rising.

This

is proof that self-reliant terms are widening the socio-demographic gap. In conclusion, I believe that

individualism

is bringing more harm because it can lead the public to have less empathy and

also

widen the crack between the rich and the poor.

Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on Wed Oct 25 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
innovation
autonomy
align with
excessive
social isolation
community bonds
solely
social classes
entrepreneurship
economic development
empathy
societal cohesion
collective well-being
vulnerable

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In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

The Vital Role of Banking in Promoting Economic Growth and Development.

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!