In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days, since individuals of rural
areas
in a number of countries are more like to
move
to
cities
.
Thus
, the population in the countryside is declining. some
people
think that it has affected city
people
positively because of plenty of benefits.
However
, there is a more persuasive opinion that
this
phenomenon has side effects in our society.
To begin
with, when Rural
people
move
to the big city, they are able to have a lot of opportunities because of diverse social infrastructures. It is true that there are numerous prestigious schools, hospitals, public libraries, big shopping malls, and so on compared to the countryside. when
people
utilize all kinds of facilities, they are more likely to expand their knowledge and have a chance to land a professional job in the future.
For example
, some families in South Korea are willing to
move
to the capital city, Seoul, because of their education. Since there are a number of prestigious universities in Seoul, their kids might be able to experience high-quality education and It will lead them to have excellent jobs in the future.
However
,
this
situation might cause imbalanced developments between
cities
and rural
areas
. If
people
move
to only
cities
, rural
areas
will experience a lack of young generations, having solely elder
people
, which means a lot of social facilities in the countryside like schools, and companies, are going to lose their employees. It will influence our economy negatively.
Furthermore
, the government and corporations will no longer invest their budgets in rural
areas
because they cannot make a profit in those
areas
. Meanwhile,
cities
also
might experience side effects because of overpopulation. when
people
are crowded in the
cities
,
people
are more like to be competitive when choosing a job or going to school.
This
means individuals are able to face mental issues
such
as depression, anxiety, and isolation by competing with each other.
To sum up
, it is true that moving to the
cities
has benefits because of a lot of chances.
However
, it has more drawbacks since it will cause unbalanced advancements in our society around the world.
Submitted by lym1049 on

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coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices is impressive. Ideas are logically sequenced and clear. But ensure that the connection between ideas is not just through the use of linking words, but also through the development and progression of ideas and arguments.
task achievement
The comprehension of the task is great. But there can be a little improvement in fully addressing the question prompt. Consider discussing more thoroughly both sides of the argument. Although you've clearly stated your point of view, more balance might make your discussion even stronger.
lexical resource
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grammatical range
There is evidence of correct and versatile uses of complex sentence structures. However, there are minor inaccuracies with grammar and punctuation. Some sentences could be improved for better readability and comprehension. Proofread your writing for small grammar errors and punctuation mistakes to improve it further.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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