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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

36.The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

36.The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar graph displays the answers
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a questionnaire about individuals’
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 in purchasing
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks in Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most common habit is to go to a café for
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 or tea. Adelaide has a proportion higher at buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
. The other significant feature of
this
Linking Words
 graph is that fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 is the least sold. In Hobart approximately 63% of people went to a café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea, 1% less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Melboune
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 in second place, which had a percentage of around 62%, followed by Sydney with 60%.
While
Linking Words
Birsban
Correct your spelling
Brisbane
 and Adelaide had nearly 55% and 49% of individuals respectively that went to a café.
Birsban
Correct your spelling
Brisbane
 had the highest proportion of people going for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, which was a 54%,
then
Linking Words
 was Hobart with approximately 52%,
while
Linking Words
Adeleida
Correct your spelling
Adelaide
 had a similar
portion
Replace the word
proportion
show examples
 as those who went to a café, which was a percentage of 50%. Sydney had the least number of people purchasing instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, with 45%, which is 3% less than Melbourne. Fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was bought principally in Hobart, with a portion of 48%, followed by Sydney and Melbourne with around 43% each. Brisban and Adelaide had a similar proportion, which was almost 35% for each one.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, café with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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