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Writing Samples
Band 8

The pie chart illustrates which transport use more often in Edmonton, with the table provides reason using of car.

The pie chart illustrates which transport use more often in Edmonton, with the table provides reason using of car.
The pie chart illustrates the amount of vehicles used in Edmonton and
following
Wrong verb form
follows
show examples
 the present of related reasons for driving by car. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, a higher percentage has belonged to cars than others in order to commute to work. As observed in the details, nearly half (45%) of
people
Use synonyms
 have carried over by car. After that, about a third (35%) of Edmonton individuals have used light rail transit as transportation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 10 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
 have preferred to transfer by bus and taxi. As shown in the table, it stated that why Edmonton
people
Use synonyms
 have tended to drive in their privet cars
instead
Linking Words
 of others. Indeed, more a half the proportion (55%) of
this
Linking Words
 city has committed to their work by their own automobile.
While
Linking Words
 45% of
people
Use synonyms
 want to use it merely for business.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the case of shopping and doing leisure activities, they preferred to use less (15%) of their own car.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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