Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance on the screen and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days,
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
advances
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
get more easier to watch some
entertainment
performance. There are a lot of
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
that
presenting
Wrong verb form
present
show examples
some
entertainment
to watch
for instance
netflix and
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
. These 2
application
Change the determiner
applications
show examples
are
common use
Replace the word
commonly used
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
most
people
to watch some
entertainment
. I agree
people
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
need to watch
entertainment
live,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
there are a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
films to watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on online streaming apps. There are
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
of series and movies that
presented
Add a missing verb
are presented
show examples
by Netflix.
People
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
need to watch films in theatre
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
theatre
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
more money
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you can pay half of it and stream any films you want on your TV
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your main points further and provide more supporting details.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion address the topic and provide a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly and logically throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • variety
  • engaging
  • real-time
  • performing arts
  • interaction
  • emotional connection
  • spontaneity
  • authenticity
  • immersive
  • sensory experience
  • virtual reality
  • audience participation
  • curated
  • cultural heritage
  • relevance
  • social interaction
  • public opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: