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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts display the amounts of electricity measured in units produced via Coal,Natural gas,Nuclear
power
,Oil and Hydropower from 1980 to 2000.
Overall
,it is evident from the chart that the dominant sources of fuel in
Australia
 and
France
 were Coal and nuclear
power
 respectively,and the total production increased rapidly over the years.
To begin
 with,In 1980, Coal produced 50% in
Austraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and just
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of petroleum
generated
Add a missing verb
was generated
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 in
France
.
However
,over the years, the figure for Coal skyrocketed to 130 units in
Australia
 and that of
France
 remained constant till 2000.
Furthermore
,Natural gas and oil were responsible for less than 30% in both countries and it reduced dramatically to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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less than 26% in 2000.
Furthermore
,
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
 produced a significant value of fuel in
Australia
.
However
, just a small number was manufactured in
France
,but there was no production via nuclear
power
 in
Australia
 and it was the major source in
france
Change the capitalization
France
show examples
.
At the end
 of the period, the total production of fuel in both countries rose rapidly to the same amounts at 170 units.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words power, australia, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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