IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows how many people came from 5 countries to Australia for business, holidays or to visit family and friends in 2017.

The bar chart shows how many people came from 5 countries to Australia for business, holidays or to visit family and friends in 2017.
The chart illustrates the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 coming from 5 different nations to
Australia
Use synonyms
 for the purposes of business, vacation or visiting family and friends in 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be easily noticed that the largest number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 came from China and New Zealand and most people came for a
holiday
Use synonyms
 among
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 countries, the United States and Japan,
while
Linking Words
 the British
visitors
Use synonyms
 mainly came to see family and friends. First of all, over 650,000 Chinese and almost 500,000 New Zealanders came with the purpose of
holiday
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 Chinese
holiday
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 were considerably more than New
Zealanders’
Change noun form
Zealanders
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
, both work and visiting purposes
visitors
Use synonyms
 coming from New Zealand were slightly more than those coming from China.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there were similar trends among Japan and the USA
visitors
Use synonyms
 for the reasons of travelling to
Australia
Use synonyms
. In both cases, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons why people came to
Australia
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the majority for a
holiday
Use synonyms
, followed by work,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Interestingly, less than 500,000 Japanese travellers entered
Australia
Use synonyms
 to visit other friends and relatives
while
Linking Words
 over 300,000 Britishs came. The UK’s figures represented a different scenario.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, australia, holiday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • visitors
  • business purposes
  • holidays
  • visit family and friends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • trends
  • outliers
  • notable patterns
  • key insights
  • international visits
  • conclusion
  • summarizing
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