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Band 8

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
In recent years, in the developed world, the internet and mobile phones have revolutionized the way we
transfer
money
 to
people
. From my point of view,
this
 trend has had a wholly positive impact on both individuals and society for mainly two reasons. I believe that the rise in using the internet and mobiles can be seen as positive for both personal and broader societal reasons. On an individual level,
people
 who utilize mobiles to send and receive
money
 may become far more comfortable than those who choose banks to
transfer
 their
money
.
Due to
 technological development,
in particular
 emerging internet and smartphones,
people
 are offered more convenient ways of transferring
money
.
For example
, one can purchase from online shops, pay personal and household bills, or even receive their salary by using simple apps on phones, which is so useful in terms of
money
 and time.
Moreover
, from a societal perspective, the trend toward
money
 transactions will give rise to an acceleration in cash flow. In the past, banks did several operations to
transfer
money
such
 as checking the documents of
people
 who stood in long queues, resulting in documents chaos and taking too much time.
However
, currently, a developed transaction system facilitates the process; with adequate cash flow, a business can pay its bills on time, manage its debt obligations, and avoid defaulting on loans or credit lines. In conclusion,
as a result
 of significant increases in
money
 transactions,
people
 can
transfer
 their
money
 to acquaintances easily even without any extra documents.
Submitted by shakhzodbekmirzaev7 on

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task response
Provide a clearer thesis statement to clearly state your stance on whether this development is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly summarize the main points of your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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