IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
Many people
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that young people are free to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 any
mistakes
,in the other side, some suggest that adults have to stop them from doing so.
This
 essay agrees that adults should prevent
children
 from
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
mistakes
.
Firstly
, there are some benefits of learning from
mistakes
 in childhood , but it should have some guidance to assist them,
Moreover
, adolescent
parents
 should educate them about
mistakes
,
For example
,
children
 learn mathematics to calculate but they may not get the right calculation but they will learn from their previous
mistakes
 and by the help of their
parents
 and teachers they will get it right next time.
Secondly
,
children
 learn from their
mistakes
 and
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is advantages for them from
this
 experience, but we can't deny that their
parents
 have to protect them from
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
mistakes
 especially if it can affect their mental and psychological health,
for instance
, adolescent at
this
 age don't know what's right and what's wrong,
consequently
, they will do bad things that can have a harmful outcome to them,
Thus
,
children
 at
this
 period of time their
parents
 should prevent them and educate them about bad things to avoid them. In conclusion,
children
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistakes
 but no doubt that they need guidance at
this
 age , I completely agree with
this
 .
Submitted by noor23.hamza23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the response fully addresses the task by discussing both views and giving a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay in a logical manner with clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise words.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: