As a result of electronic inventions such as computer and television , people do less physical activity,and this is having a negative effect on their health.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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using electronic devices
such
as phones,TVs or laptops
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
important in our part of life.Every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
electronic devices,so they spend their spare time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using electronic
inventions
.
However
,it is not so assured that
this
injured their health . At the present time,new technologies are developing
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
country.Technologies have covered
peopleʼs
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people's
show examples
lives.As far as work,more
of
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apply
show examples
office employees are working sitting down with computers.The way I see it utilizing computers
are
Verb problem
does
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not
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
a
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apply
show examples
plenty of diseases in
employee's
Fix the agreement mistake
employees'
show examples
health.
However
,
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers help
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peopleʼs
Correct your spelling
people's
eyes.Electronic
inventions
like washing machines,ovens and
other type
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another type
other types
show examples
of
inventions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
less
Add an article
a less
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time-consuming process. The
creating
Replace the word
creation
show examples
of some electronic
inventions
is caused
people's
Change preposition
by people's
show examples
physical activity they do.
For instance
,in the past,
people
washed their clothes with their hands.Nowadays,all
people
washing
Wrong verb form
wash
show examples
clothes with
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
machine.
As a result
,
people
are doing less physical activity than yesteryears.
On the other hand
, techniques are useful in various fields.
For example
, healthcare, educational system
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.Currently, electronic devices are used effectively in medicine,so we can not say that techniques are harmful. Taking everything into account,In my view,
people
are working as before and they can use technology to save their leisure time.Technologies can in some cases have bad effects on
people
's health,so
people
should not forget the norm when using electronic
inventions
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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grammatical range
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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