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As a result of electronic inventions such as computer and television , people do less physical activity,and this is having a negative effect on their health.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
It is commonly said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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using electronic devices
such
 as phones,TVs or laptops
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important in our part of life.Every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 electronic devices,so they spend their spare time
for
Change preposition
apply
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using electronic
inventions
.
However
,it is not so assured that
this
 injured their health . At the present time,new technologies are developing
every
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in every
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 country.Technologies have covered
peopleʼs
Change noun form
people's
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 lives.As far as work,more
of
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apply
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office employees are working sitting down with computers.The way I see it utilizing computers
are
Verb problem
does
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 not
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
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a
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apply
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plenty of diseases in
employee's
Fix the agreement mistake
employees'
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 health.
However
,
from
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apply
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 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computers help
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peopleʼs
Correct your spelling
people's
 eyes.Electronic
inventions
 like washing machines,ovens and
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
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 of
inventions
is
Change the verb form
are
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less
Add an article
a less
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 time-consuming process. The
creating
Replace the word
creation
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 of some electronic
inventions
 is caused
people's
Change preposition
by people's
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 physical activity they do.
For instance
,in the past,
people
 washed their clothes with their hands.Nowadays,all
people
washing
Wrong verb form
wash
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 clothes with
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine.
As a result
,
people
 are doing less physical activity than yesteryears.
On the other hand
, techniques are useful in various fields.
For example
, healthcare, educational system
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.Currently, electronic devices are used effectively in medicine,so we can not say that techniques are harmful. Taking everything into account,In my view,
people
 are working as before and they can use technology to save their leisure time.Technologies can in some cases have bad effects on
people
's health,so
people
 should not forget the norm when using electronic
inventions
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your position on the topic. Use a thesis statement to clearly state whether you agree or disagree.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion restates your position and summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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