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Band 6.5

the charts below give information about levels of education in glasgow in 2010

the charts below give information about levels of education in glasgow in 2010
#information #levels #education #glasgow
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The provided 2 graphs have depicted the
characterisitics
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characteristics
 of
educational
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the educational
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population
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 in Glasgow during 2010, including both the gender and
age
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 distribution
accordingly
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 aids our understanding
on
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of
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 the educational tendency among
age
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 and gender in Glasglow during that period of time. Interestingly, the proportion of
female
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females
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 and
male
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males
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 having different educational
level
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levels
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, regardless of
age
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, was somehow evenly
ditributed
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distributed
. That means, on obtaining university, school or none of the recognition, all of them
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for around one-third of the
overall
Linking Words
population
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, when we look closer into
age
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 distribution,
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
 to
50 year old
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50-year-old
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population
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 shared
similar
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a similar
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 proportion with different
qualification
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qualifications
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 with a ratio of seven to two to one, ranging from degree to
scondary
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secondary
 school graduation to no certification correspondingly. Meanwhile, the number of university graduates dropped
while
Linking Words
 that of no qualification rose when people aged from 50 onwards. Contrarily, no
qualificaiton
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qualification
qualifications
consituted
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was consituted
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 to the majority of the
population
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 in
aged
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the aged
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 75 or above group (70%), and vice versa for the group of 16 to 50. In conclusion, the data illustrated that the degree of civilization was similar between different genders
while
Linking Words
 variation showed at different
age
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 groups.
This
Linking Words
 information is useful for policymakers to understand our social landscape.
Submitted by ardentpicks on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Levels of education
  • Glasgow
  • 2010
  • Charts
  • Data
  • Information
  • Overview
  • Education levels
  • Males
  • Females
  • Comparing
  • Trends
  • Patterns
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