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Band 5

Wirte your personal statement why do you want to study MA Comparative Education in University College London.

#wirte #study #education #university #college #london
I participated in a rally which has held on September 2, in front of the National Assembly building in Seoul. We were gathered to mourn the death of a
teacher
 who recently committed suicide and demand the restoration of teaching authority. The acquaintances of the
teacher
 came to the front and talked about her. "She was a bright person like a spring, versatile, who
also
 has a passion for teaching." I cried much because we lost
such
 a wonderful
teacher
. Why we couldn’t protect her from death? The
place
 I’m working now is a dangerous
place
 when I meet a student who hits and curses me.
Also
, it is a dangerous
place
 where I may meet parents who report me for child abuse.
However
, still I
love
 my work and my dream is to make it a better
place
. I have 16 lovely
students
 in my classroom, including two with intellectual disabilities
and
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 are on the autism spectrum now. To be honest, I was afraid that I would lead
this
 class successfully. I had heard one intellectually disabled student often ran out of the
school
last
 year. Even, she would hit other
students
 and teachers.
Therefore
, I started activities to foster friendships within the class
such
 as cooking, painting,
encouraging
Correct word choice
and encouraging
show examples
 others to collaborate with her.
Moreover
, I praised her and encouraged her growth frequently. These days, she comes to
school
 with a happy smile. One day, she said to me “Thank you for caring
me
Change preposition
for me
show examples
 with
love
,
teacher
. I
love
 you so much, too!” I enjoy working at
school
 even anticipating
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
school
 on weekends to meet my lovely
students
. I
love
 the academic field of
education
 because I am a person who can make a positive change
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 someone. Even, there are always warm senior teachers who give valuable advice based on their past experience.
Including
Change preposition
In
show examples
internship
Correct article usage
the internship
show examples
 program, I have worked in 5 schools, and I recognised that I’m
influential
Correct article usage
an influential
show examples
 person to my
students
 and I want to be more
expertise
Replace the word
expert
show examples
. I would like to study
this
 Comparative
Education
 MA at
University
 College London as it
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 together a diverse community of
research
Replace the word
researchers
show examples
 with expertise who have a common interest in exploring
education
. Because I always desired to improve my multicultural capabilities, I applied GTU(Global
Teacher
’s
University
) program at my
University
 several times.
First,
I was selected as a trainee in Hawaii for a month when I was a sophomore. Living at the
University
 of Hawaii at Manoa, not only I learned methods to teach English but
also
 the history and culture of Hawaii. Recognised for my global perspective and networking skills, the professor gave me funding to do
research
 in Southeast Asia. At that time, I was interested in Singapore.
Therefore
, with several team members, I did
research
 about the environment
education
 there. In my Junior, I did
research
 on the diplomatic relationship between Vietnam and Korea, because
students
 who have Vietnam parents are
most
Replace the word
mostly
show examples
 in Korea. The most interesting about
this
 course is that it is dialogue-oriented teaching and I’m ready to share my experiences of East Asia’s
education
.
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and the conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide more explicit connections between the ideas and examples to improve the coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to add depth and precision to your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy in your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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