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Band 6.5

Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

#countries #consequences
Countries
 with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful
,
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apply
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 but may suffer from negative social consequences
as a result
. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views? A
country
's economic success is certainly affected by a wide range of factors, among which is the length of
people
's working
hours
.I totally agree with the statement that
countries
 whose average working
hours
 are longer tend to be prosperous, but they
consequently
 have to deal with many social problems.There is no doubt in my mind that
countries
 in which
people
 work longer
hours
 are more likely to enjoy economic prosperity. Evidence for
this
 can be seen in Japan, where
people
's working
hours
 range from 65 to 80, depending on gender and
occupations
Fix the agreement mistake
occupation
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.
Although
this
country
's economy had been devastated after World War II, it has made a recovery to become unquestionably one of the most powerful economic powerhouses in the world. There is general agreement among historians and economists that
this
 feat was the direct result of the
country
's strong work ethic.
However
, economic success achieved in
this
 way presents
such
countries
 with a litany of social issues.
For example
, the birth rate in Japan has stagnated and is now at an
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
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 low
due to
 the stress caused by
people
's excessively long working
hours
.
This
 is predicted to grind the economy of the
country
 to a halt, with the population consisting of a large proportion of old and infirm
people
.
Similarly
, China, known for its brutal 9-9-6 working culture (
that is
, starting the working day at 9 AM, leaving work at 9 PM, and repeating
this
 cycle six days a week), has the highest suicide rate in the world. In conclusion,
countries
 with longer working days are more likely to thrive economically;
however
,
such
 economic prosperity often comes with numerous serious social problems.
Submitted by lecongkhanh202 on

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task response
The essay effectively responds to the task by clearly stating the writer's agreement with the given views. However, the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to provide a more concise summary of the main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is well-maintained, and the main points are supported with adequate examples and evidence.
lexical resource
The essay showcases a strong lexical resource with a good range of vocabulary. However, to enhance the lexical variety and precision, consider using more academic or formal vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a solid grammatical range, demonstrating accurate and varied sentence structures. Pay attention to some minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • detrimental
  • stress levels
  • strain
  • work-life balance
  • emerging economies
  • unsustainable growth
  • social unrest
  • productivity tools
  • government policies
  • social well-being
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