Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

#countries #consequences

Countries

with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but may suffer from negative social consequences

as a result

. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views? A

country

's economic success is certainly affected by a wide range of factors, among which is the length of

people

's working

hours

.I totally agree with the statement that

countries

whose average working

hours

are longer tend to be prosperous, but they

consequently

have to deal with many social problems.There is no doubt in my mind that

countries

in which

people

work longer

hours

are more likely to enjoy economic prosperity. Evidence for

this

can be seen in Japan, where

people

's working

hours

range from 65 to 80, depending on gender and

occupations

Fix the agreement mistake

occupation

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Although

this

country

's economy had been devastated after World War II, it has made a recovery to become unquestionably one of the most powerful economic powerhouses in the world. There is general agreement among historians and economists that

this

feat was the direct result of the

country

's strong work ethic.

However

, economic success achieved in

this

way presents

such

countries

with a litany of social issues.

For example

, the birth rate in Japan has stagnated and is now at an

all time

Add a hyphen

all-time

show examples

low

due to

the stress caused by

people

's excessively long working

hours

This

is predicted to grind the economy of the

country

to a halt, with the population consisting of a large proportion of old and infirm

people

Similarly

, China, known for its brutal 9-9-6 working culture (

that is

, starting the working day at 9 AM, leaving work at 9 PM, and repeating

this

cycle six days a week), has the highest suicide rate in the world. In conclusion,

countries

with longer working days are more likely to thrive economically;

however

such

economic prosperity often comes with numerous serious social problems.

Submitted by lecongkhanh202 on Fri Oct 27 2023

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task response

The essay effectively responds to the task by clearly stating the writer's agreement with the given views. However, the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to provide a more concise summary of the main ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is well-maintained, and the main points are supported with adequate examples and evidence.

lexical resource

The essay showcases a strong lexical resource with a good range of vocabulary. However, to enhance the lexical variety and precision, consider using more academic or formal vocabulary.

grammatical range

The essay exhibits a solid grammatical range, demonstrating accurate and varied sentence structures. Pay attention to some minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

correlation
GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
detrimental
stress levels
strain
work-life balance
emerging economies
unsustainable growth
social unrest
productivity tools
government policies
social well-being

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Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The length of vacation that employees enjoy each year varies from job to job. Do you think people should have the same number of holidays regardless of their occupation? Explain your answer.

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as a cell phone) or service (medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films and the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?