Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is inevitably true that parents push their children to outperform other students

instead

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of working with their peers mutually. Personally, I believe the disadvantages eclipse the benefits. One of the advantages is being a highly skilled person

while

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excluding yourself from others to compete with them. What is more, experiencing a rival environment in a school can make us industrious and self-confident in dealing with ongoing problems, and

hence

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, it affects our character and the future. A study conducted,

for example

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, by the University of Southampton found that any competition during the school days is the most favourable time in terms of improving ourselves, and

also

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, they are generally introverted people who do not like to contact someone.

On the other hand

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, there are significant and undeniable advantages that

also

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shape our future.

Firstly

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, seclusion might lead to several health illnesses under these circumstances that can be unwelcome

while

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studying.

Furthermore

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, being deprived of teamwork in the classroom might be a barrier to achieving triumphs for

such

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subjects that require some contact abilities.

Secondly

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, having communication skills and a broad network are the most substantial nuances for students, which spur people to be extroverted.

In addition

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, it is obligatory for us to be sociable to succeed in the world by advocating some research conducted by Chinese Universities in 2015

while

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taking living among 7 billion people into account.

To sum up

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, despite the concerns about pushing to excel our peers in school, the disadvantages might cause unavoidable issues that are explained above. I am convinced that the demerits outweigh the advantages.

Thus

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, I recommend being much more active in tackling the ongoing processes during the period.

yusifakhmadFri Oct 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents an overview of the essay and the conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to ensure accuracy and coherence.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some scientists believe intelligent life forms may exist in other planets and some want to send messages to the space to contact with these life forms. But other scientists believe it is a bad idea and it could be dangerous discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries.Explain the main causes and effects of this problem,and suggest some possible solutions.

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those whose are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public area. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In many modern societies , grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that mnay cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam". How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?