Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is inevitably true that parents push their children to outperform other students

instead

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of working with their peers mutually. Personally, I believe the disadvantages eclipse the benefits. One of the advantages is being a highly skilled person

while

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excluding yourself from others to compete with them. What is more, experiencing a rival environment in a school can make us industrious and self-confident in dealing with ongoing problems, and

hence

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, it affects our character and the future. A study conducted,

for example

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, by the University of Southampton found that any competition during the school days is the most favourable time in terms of improving ourselves, and

also

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, they are generally introverted people who do not like to contact someone.

On the other hand

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, there are significant and undeniable advantages that

also

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shape our future.

Firstly

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, seclusion might lead to several health illnesses under these circumstances that can be unwelcome

while

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studying.

Furthermore

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, being deprived of teamwork in the classroom might be a barrier to achieving triumphs for

such

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subjects that require some contact abilities.

Secondly

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, having communication skills and a broad network are the most substantial nuances for students, which spur people to be extroverted.

In addition

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, it is obligatory for us to be sociable to succeed in the world by advocating some research conducted by Chinese Universities in 2015

while

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taking living among 7 billion people into account.

To sum up

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, despite the concerns about pushing to excel our peers in school, the disadvantages might cause unavoidable issues that are explained above. I am convinced that the demerits outweigh the advantages.

Thus

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, I recommend being much more active in tackling the ongoing processes during the period.

Submitted by yusifakhmad on Fri Oct 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents an overview of the essay and the conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases.

grammatical range

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13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore physical education and sports should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

The process describes the process of smoked fish producing

some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects disduss both views and give your opinion.

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.