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Band 5

TOPIC: Nowadays, some people like to give help to the local community or provide people with direct help. Other people prefer to give money to national and international organizations. Discuss both methods and give your own opinion on which is better.

#topic #people #community #money #organizations #methods
A glance at a line graph provided reveals the amount of consumed
energy
 in the US, measured in quadrillion
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
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, from 1980 to 2030.
Overall
, almost all data experienced a progressive growth pattern except for that of hydropower.
Moreover
, the breakdown of
energy
 use in that country by fossil fuel was absolutely higher than their counterpart. In terms of the volume of
energy
utilization
Replace the word
utilised
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 by conventional
energy
 sources including petrol and oil, coal and natural gas, commencing at merely 35 which was the highest place compared to the others in 1980, the former line recorded a constantly vigorous acceleration to more than 40 in a subsequent 25
years
 of period. Afterwards, that of petrol and oil is forecasted that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will explode dramatically to approximately 50 which still maintains its crown in 2030. Meanwhile,
although
 the latter two lines observed a uniform trend, they had a distinct level of growth.
While
 there was a relentless upsurge observed in that of coal from higher than 15 to absolutely 20 in the first 25
years
, which is anticipated to rise drastically to precisely 30
in
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by
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 the end
year
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of year
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. In stark contrast, that of natural gas observed a relentless fluctuation at around 20 from 1980 to 2005, before rising predictably and slightly to just 22. With regard to the amount of used
energy
 by alternative sources including nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower sources, despite having a similar initial point at more than 3, the first two and hydropower’s line had a comparatively different trend. The former went through a marginal increase to higher than 5 and 6 respectively in the first 25
years
, before remaining predictably unswerving around those numbers in the
last
 year. At odds
with
Correct pronoun usage
with this
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, the latter followed an opposite path with that of nuclear and solar or wind
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 which experienced a consistent variation
around
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of around
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 3 from 1980 to 2005 and it is going to decrease minimally to precisely 2.5 in the coming
years
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that relate to the main idea.
task achievement
Include specific examples and data to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range to include a wider range of academic vocabulary.
grammatical range
Work on improving sentence structure and using more complex grammar structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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