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Band 5.5

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
Many
people
 believe that
technologies
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
, are making gaps in social interaction. I strongly disagree
about
Change preposition
with
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 the statement because it can make
this
 life easier by getting news faster,
as well as
 becoming
entertaining
Correct article usage
an entertaining
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 tool and will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, sophisticated
technologies
 can help
people
 get an easier life, especially a cell
phone
. Nowadays, thanks to the
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
 which can optimize the internet, a person can access a bunch of
information
 within their hand. The
information
 that they get through THE internet can be used as an
information
 source in certain discussions.
Furthermore
, A mobile
phone
 offers several
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
 and high-tech specifications.
For example
,
people
 who love photography and gaming (as their hobbies) will have bigger opportunities to join a community.
This
 can be a tool to build social interactions.
From
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For
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 these two reasons,
a
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apply
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social interaction through
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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have
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has
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became
Change the verb form
become
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 easier. Despite the mentioned benefits of cell
phone
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phones
show examples
 in
A
Correct article usage
The
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 previous paragraph,
technologies
 can
also
 be a threat to social
aspect
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aspects
show examples
.
People
 tend to waste their time just to play games with their
phone
. A survey said Indonesia ranked as
number
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the number
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 one country- especially for
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation -that
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 a lot of time on games. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, we will not have a desire to interact with the
surrounding
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surroundings
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.
In addition
, using phones can lead to particular health issues,
for
instance
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instance,
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people
 who are using mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
within
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for
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 a long period of time,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will have
eyesore
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eyesores
show examples
,
backache
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backaches
show examples
, and something their hand
will get
Verb problem
apply
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tremor
Fix the agreement mistake
tremors
show examples
.
Thus
, health issues and social activities issues are the biggest
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of using phones. In conclusion, I disagree
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
technologies
 can create gaps in social interaction among
people
.
Technologies
 -specifically mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
- have a lot of benefits
such
 as it will help
people
 to access
information
 easily and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sophisticated specification will help
people
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their
hobby
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hobbies
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.
However
,
technologies
 can affect
people
's health
condition
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conditions
show examples
 and
disturbing
Wrong verb form
disturb
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 their social activities.
Submitted by jxnxy01 on

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