IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the inteernet has brought people closer togethert while others that people and communities are bbecome more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #inteernet #togethert #communities #bbecome
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As a result
Linking Words
 of an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to the
internet
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online communication become more popular. There are two opinions about
this
Linking Words
 situation, some
people
Use synonyms
 consider it a good opportunity to keep in touch
witch
Correct your spelling
with
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 many
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, another group see it as a cause of isolated communities. I am going to discuss both opinions and create my own. To become with, online devices give
people
Use synonyms
 a chance to meet and become friends with humans around the world. Electronic devices are small and portable enough to take it everywhere,
Linking Words
furthermore
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furthermore,
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 the wifi become very common. Take my friend from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Italy as
a
Change the article
an
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 example, we both have access to the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for
majority
Add an article
the majority
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 of the our day,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result, we talk every day. Without the
internet
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, the amount of kilometres between us
,
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apply
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will make
this
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 contact
enable
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unable
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 to exist.
To conclude
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, thanks to the technological development of the
internet
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, friendships become easier to make and keep.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 do not feel the urge to get to know humans from their closest community. It
quicker
Add a missing verb
is quicker
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 to find someone with similar hobbies and opinions on the
internet
Use synonyms
, than
it
Correct your spelling
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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real life. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, internauts
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 many online groups. Everyone knows their interest in the group even before entering
in
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apply
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it. I think
this
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 leads to the situation when we know many
people
Use synonyms
 online, but
due to
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effort
Correct article usage
the effort
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it
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apply
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needed we do not make relationships with
people
Use synonyms
 living close to us. In
the
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apply
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conclusion, the
easinest
Correct your spelling
ease
 of finding the connection with
people
Use synonyms
 online
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 makes real-life communities more isolated. To summarise, there are advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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,
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apply
show examples
 when thinking about communication between
people
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. In my opinion access to the
internet
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to make friendships with closer emotional connection.
While
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 it can be hard to arrange a personal meeting with
internet
Use synonyms
 friends, the ways of transport
is
Change the verb form
are
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 developing all the time.
Due to
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 good transport,
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
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 relationships will become easier and easier.
Submitted by a.swietochowska11 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your main points.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structures and grammar usage for a more accurate expression of your ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitated
  • connection
  • geographical barriers
  • social media platforms
  • sense of belonging
  • diverse perspectives
  • collaborate
  • share knowledge
  • excessive use
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face interaction
  • addicted
  • disconnection
  • physical surroundings
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • withdraw
  • false sense of connection
  • superficial relationships
  • polarization
  • echo chambers
  • balance
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • foster
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