Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening

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It is true that the decline in the
number
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of flora and fauna is a pressing issue confronting many countries worldwide.
While
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this
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can be a result of human activities, in my opinion, there are numerous steps that governments and individuals should take into consideration. Humans threaten natural
species
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with extinction in various ways.
Initially
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,
due to
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the increased urbanization, governments have to implement deforestation to develop urban residences, followed by a disappearance of vegetation.
Furthermore
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, with extensive industrialization, a huge quantity of toxic chemicals is dangerously released from factories to the
environment
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,
thus
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endangering the lives of the natural
species
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. Ultimately, because of the lack of restrictive rules, numerous instances of undue hunting occurred in different countries, leading to fewer animals.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, where there used to be a huge
number
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of tigers,
this
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animal has been killed for years to serve human demands, and just a few
species
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remain. 
Nevertheless
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, governments and individuals should join hands to mitigate the detrimental impact of our actions on the
environment
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. In the first place, should conservation plans be effectively conducted through promoting reforestation and protecting the forest boundaries, various natural
species
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will be provided by crucial wildlife habitats. Take as an illustration,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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South African government followed
a
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apply
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replanting and breeding programmes in 2015.
As a result
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not only
did
Verb problem
were
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numerous
species
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save
Wrong verb form
saved
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from extinction but
also
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the
number
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of animals increased
sognificantly
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significantly
.
Moreover
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, Individuals can
also
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raise awareness about the negative impact that certain harmful actions, especially the killing of wild animals, have on the
environment
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. Various animal rights organizations,
for example
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, could educate people about the impact of extinction on human life and the
environment
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, which people should follow diligently. In conclusion,
although
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humans play a vital
roles
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role
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known reducing the
number
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of
the
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apply
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natural
species
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, to hinder
this
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problem, conserving natural habitats of them
as well as
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increasing public awareness are beneficial to hinder
this
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problem.
Submitted by ali.m.mohammdianb on

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task response
Your essay addresses the causes of the problem and suggests solutions. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. However, you could improve the logical structure of your arguments and ensure a stronger connection between the introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Your essay showcases a satisfactory range of vocabulary and effective use of language. However, you could further enhance your lexical resource by incorporating more advanced vocabulary and collocations.
grammatical range
Your essay displays a fairly good range of grammatical structures. However, there are instances of errors and awkward phrasing. Aim for more accuracy and clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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