IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
sites
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Twitter or Facebook are believed by a number of
people
Use synonyms
caused
Verb problem
to cause
show examples
 disadvantages specifically
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generations and
affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 their interpersonal relationship capabilities.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 other parties suggest that these
sites
Use synonyms
 offer more benefits
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 drawbacks in the community by meeting each person to each other in
online
Change the article
an online
show examples
 way.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 offers more advantages than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages towards the young
generation
Use synonyms
 in the community with the ease of access to connect with
people
Use synonyms
, and as a medium to express personal things, but the potential drawback is the human-trafficking. One primary benefit of using social
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook or Twitter is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the ease of access to connect with a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 over vast
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
. Where the youths are able to communicate with each other without
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on meeting in a traditional way
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, overseas university students can reach up to their supervisor through Facebook messenger if they want to know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
update
Fix the agreement mistake
updates
show examples
 regarding their proposals without
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 to meet their supervisors
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
. Another positive thing
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 utilizing social
media
Use synonyms
sites
Use synonyms
 by the young
generation
Use synonyms
 is that they can use these
sites
Use synonyms
 as a medium to express personal thoughts which
identical
Add a missing verb
are identical
show examples
 to a diary so they can release or
minimised
Wrong verb form
minimise
show examples
 their
stressed-level
Correct your spelling
stress level
show examples
. Take
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 recent phenomenon as an example, where at present, there is
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
show examples
 number of young
people
Use synonyms
 expressing their days,
such
Linking Words
 as good or bad
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
. The young generations are able to release their
stressed
Change the form of the verb
stress
show examples
 by releasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abstract thoughts into written form of expression in the form of
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there is a potential negative effect on the young
generation
Use synonyms
 in using these social
media
Use synonyms
sites
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the
human-trafficking
Correct your spelling
trafficking
show examples
. As the case,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the young
generation
Use synonyms
 who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expressing themselves
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these online platforms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to become a target for
human-trafficking
Correct your spelling
human trafficking
show examples
 as their personal information
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 known by the criminals. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the utilization of certain social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ease of access to connect with
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
, and as a medium
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 expressing personal thoughts,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the fact that social
media
Use synonyms
 has
potential
Add an article
a potential
show examples
 negative effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
human-trafficking
Correct your spelling
human trafficking
show examples
 cannot be overlooked.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to fully address both sides of the argument in your essay. Provide arguments or evidence to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You need to work on the logical flow and organization of your essay. Ensure that your ideas are clearly connected and the essay structure is well-defined.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range by using a variety of synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range
Focus on improving your grammatical accuracy, particularly in complex sentence structures and verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: