IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

#tours #places #communities #development #people #environment
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Making
trip
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trips
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 to isolated places and society is becoming a new famous trend of travelling currently.
Although
Linking Words
 it
gives
Verb problem
has
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 a good economic impact
for
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on
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 the area and
people
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, I
belive
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believe
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 that it
brings
Verb problem
has
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 many bad impacts on the village and the
community
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such
Linking Words
 as social and
environtmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues. Creating a tour to far-flung places and
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community
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communities
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 might develop the economy of the
people
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 since the guests will spend lots of
money
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 in that
place
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. By way of illustration,
Labuan
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Bajo
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, one of
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the
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super premium tourist destinations in Indonesia, experiences high development on the
societies
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society's
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 incomes because
of
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apply
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many tourists both regional and international come there and spend their
money
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 in the
place
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 to buy
souveniers
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souvenirs
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, food, and pay hotels. Those travelling activities make local
people
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 get more
money
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everyday
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every day
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.
However
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, even the tourism activities increase the local income, it brings
plethora
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a plethora
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 of bad influences into the areas and societies that can be a
thread
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threat
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for
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to
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future
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the future
a future
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life
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 of the village and
people
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. Making travel
package
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packages
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 to remote
area
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areas
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 and
community
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 could destroy their social
life
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 system and their
environtment
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environment
. If many new
people
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 with different background and
atitude
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attitude
 come to the
the
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apply
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areas and society, it brings negative influences to the society
inn
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in
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 terms of
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life style
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lifestyle
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 and
also
Linking Words
harm
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harms
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 their nature. I take
Labuan
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Bajo
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 again as proof, presently some
people
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 in
Labuan
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Bajo
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lose
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have lost
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 their local
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life style
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lifestyle
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 in
a
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the
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 way how
to dressed
Verb problem
dress
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 up because of copying many
tourists
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tourists'
tourist's
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style
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styles
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 who come to the
place
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, they started to think that wearing local clothes is not good anymore.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the high amount of flights and
people
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 coming to
Labuan
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Bajo
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, it is slowly but surely
change
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changes
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 the temperature of the city because of more pollution created. In conclusion, even
thoght
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though
 organizing
trip
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trips
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 to visit
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the
a
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remote
village
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villages
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 and
people
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 creates
a lots
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a lot
lots
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 of opportunities for
the
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to get
money
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 and improve their quality of
life
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;
however
Linking Words
, it creates lots of
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for the surroundings. It will kill the social
life
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 and the nature of the
place
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 and the
community
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed in the essay and provide a clear opinion on whether organized tours to remote places and communities are a positive or negative development for local people and the environment.
coherence cohesion
Organize and connect ideas more effectively to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Use cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to enhance the flow of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used in the essay by using more varied and precise words and expressions. This will help to develop a stronger and more nuanced argument.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay. Avoid repetitive sentence structures and errors in subject-verb agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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