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Band 4

some say that children should do unpaid community work, and some say it is not important for their development. How much do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#say #children #community #work #development
Unpaid
community
work
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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for
Change preposition
of
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 building character and
many
Correct word choice
apply
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development for children.
While
 a lot of
youngster
Change to a plural noun
youngsters
show examples
'
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their adolescence are playing games and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 other stuff, many believe that they should do unpaid
community
work
. I partly agree with
this
 opinion, but I will discuss both sides of the argument. On the one hand, some people opine that children should do
community
work
besides
 being unpaid. The reason for
that is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
community
work
 can help children develop empathy and compassion for their future. Adolescence is the apparent time to learn and gain skills,
community
work
 can
teaches
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 about different cultures and perspectives.
Community
work
 can enhance social responsibility and
work
 ethic for
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 to experience. In conclusion, there are many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 to unpaid
community
work
 for adolescents,
besides
 the fact they're not getting paid.
On the other hand
, not all adolescents may benefit from unpaid
community
work
. There are
dozens
Add the preposition
dozens of
show examples
 activities for teenagers to gain values and skills, apart from unpaid
community
work
.
For instance
, there are many extracurriculars and sports for adolescents to apply.
In contrast
, there are many ways to achieve more skills in adolescence. Looking from both sides, there are plenty of important values to joint
community
work
 since it can lead to a better prospect of success. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is better to do joint
community
work
 that can guide them about dos and don'ts for their
Correct your spelling
careers
carreers
Correct your spelling
careers
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the statement in the prompt and clearly state your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a more consistent logical structure throughout the essay. Develop your ideas in a clear and organized manner.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary, especially in expressing your points and arguments more effectively.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy, particularly in sentence construction and verb agreement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid community work
  • development
  • positive impact
  • values
  • skills
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • cultures
  • perspectives
  • social responsibility
  • work ethic
  • benefit
  • participating
  • activities
  • contribut
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