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Band 5

Students should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable clothes. Thebefore, all students have to wear school uniforms. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#students #focus #classroom #show #status #clothes #thebefore #school #uniforms
Instead
 of focusing on their own status via flashy
fashion
,
students
 should invest their attention
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
material
Add an article
the material
show examples
 in the classroom.
Hence
 the choice of making
students
 all have to wear the same uniforms is
rightful
Correct word choice
the right
show examples
 thing to do. Personally,
this
 implementation has my full support as not only it can help eliminate negative discrimination against each other but
also
 build up
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 educated environment for learners as well.
To begin
 with, it cannot be denied the fact that there is a noticeable dominant
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 whether in
fashion
 or not, people always have a tendency to bully others for what
is-so-called
Correct your spelling
is so-called
show examples
 "not trendy enough" especially in the teenager's world.
Consequently
, the victim might envision themselves as " the outcast" which can
also
 lead to unexpected absences to avoid the social situation.
For instance
, many
students
 with not financially capable enough in sophisticated
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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private
Change preposition
in private
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have faced discrimination and felt
loke
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the odd one out,
as a result
, they have been absent to avoid any
further
 social unfairness. Another note-worthy thing is that the uniform was previously invented to represent one education facility
thus
 it had to have dedication and professionalism in its design.
For example
, in my university, many fortune was spent to create a universal clothing to represent its name, which has received
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 appreciation among not only
students
 but
also
 other
fashion
 critics. In conclusion, the uniform is and will
ever
Rephrase
always
show examples
 be a handy helper to prevent
fashion
 discrimination in the education world but
also
 it can be a face for one study's faculty
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
Subsequently
, it would
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 learners' unnecessary factors and build up more investing factors
such
 as studying, and positive interpersonal skills.
Submitted by maituanorange on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and relate them back to the question.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tense consistency and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic focus
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social class disparities
  • disciplinary environment
  • cost-effective
  • school identity
  • sense of belonging
  • individual expression
  • dress codes
  • professional attire
  • body types
  • school spirit
  • creativity suppression
  • equal footing
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