IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Today in many countries in order to find work people have to move away from their friends and family. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #work #people #move #friends
In the world, some people for their work have to leave their family and friends. There are numerous advantages to leaving acquaintances for a job which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. As far as I am concerned the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, it has some benefits. Some do it to get the job that they dream of and some society members do it for more salary. The most obvious advantage is earning income that people do lots of things with their own money.
For example
, some individuals spend their money on entertainment and self-care and others, spend some of their salary on their family and friends who are far away from them and others save their money for the future. Another benefit is the independence of that person which is a positive point for the future.
On the other hand
, doing it has some disadvantages. The first idea is being away from family and friends and missing them a lot and they can communicate with them only by calling or video calling. The second one is the cultural difference between the two countries that may cause some problems and social anxiety because they cannot communicate well with others. The third one is the sense of homesickness that sometimes causes mental problems.
To sum up
,
according to
 what has already been discussed in the above paragraphs there are many advantages and disadvantages to leaving the country to find a good job with a satisfactory salary
while
 the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the complexity of your sentence structures and aim for greater variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: