IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? e reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge rience. Write at least 250 words.

#youth #countries #time #services #people #service #e #rience
Unemployment and unskilled youngsters can be seen in countries
such
 as Sri Lanka. Meantime the military services are in need of people. In my opinion, I agree to some extent on compulsory military service which is beneficial and necessary.
Firstly
,
due to
 inflation and economic crises businesses and many organization's profits and revenues have decreased.
As a result
 of
this
, underemployment can be seen in a country like Sri Lanka.
Additionally
, nonemployment can lead to unskill, which crowd do not get a chance to sharpen their skills.a At the same time
due to
 joblessness, the government would tend to force the youth to join the army to serve the world in the war seasons. Few of them would willing to join the forces.
Due to
 the risk to lives and hard practices, most of the nation does not tend to join. Some of them were disqualified
due to
 their size of the body and height.
Apart from
this
, the positive impact of military service is, the freedom in the mind to travel around the country and the discipline among the public in the province.
This
 can improve the tourist's attraction
due to
 the safety. In conclusion, from my perspective, the compulsory of the military can be beneficial and
also
 can help to reduce layoffs by joining youth in the army. At the same time, it should not be forcefully but willingly.
Therefore
, I agree to some extent with mandatory military service
Submitted by addaragelal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the task prompt in your essay. It is important to discuss the reasons why the youth are unemployed and unskilled, as well as the benefits and necessity of compulsory military service. This will demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic and enhance your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the overall organization and coherence of your essay. Make sure that your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to another. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect your thoughts and create a cohesive structure.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and specific words to express your ideas. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Pay closer attention to your grammar and sentence structure. There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay. Use a variety of sentence structures and ensure that your sentences are clear and grammatically correct.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: