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Band 5

Some people think that going to a fitness center regularly is unnecessary. Instead they believe the combining occasional exercise ( such as going for walk) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #fitness #center #exercise #diet
There is a common belief that a combination of a healthy diet and a conventional workout is enough to keep fit and stay lean, so going to a gymnasium is unnecessary. The writer contends that for the sake of good
health
,
people
 should visit fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
due to
 the advantageous impact of changing their
lifestyle
 rather than doing occasional exercise. It must be acknowledged that visiting the
gym
 and making it a hobby that plays
such
 a crucial part in life is a pivotal chance to maintain a healthy
lifestyle
.
In other words
, in comparison with regular exercises, being part of a
gym
 community demands keen participants to have more self-discipline and significant commitment to finish a daily workout.
Therefore
, with
this
 change in mindset to become a person who takes a responsibility to go to sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 every day,
people
 tend to be more patient
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
 a healthy
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, research from Havards School Public
Health
 shows that weight training wards off abdominal fat better than cardio does because cardio burns both fat and muscle, and strength training burns calories from fat almost exclusively, which helps
people
 accelerate their progress to optimally achieve their fitness goal
due to
 the lack of time today's life.
However
, some
people
 believe that staying lean by doing conventional activities
such
 as jogging and eating unprocessed food is enough to keep in shape.
This
 is a valid point, but it is right in the past when
people
 have physically demanding jobs and working out seems unnecessary. To fit in with
this
 modern age,
people
 have a tendency to get nine-to-five jobs stuck behind
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
desk
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, which results in more troubling
health
 problems than
people
 used to.
Thus
, hitting
gym
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 might encourage those to get rid of
this
 sedentary
lifestyle
 and lower the risk of chronic illnesses because of its efficiency in quickly burning fat and redundant calories. Considering all points, because of the advantages in preventing various
health
 problems and completely changing the way
people
 lead a life, it is more beneficial to make those go to
gym
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 rather than doing conventional workouts.
Therefore
, it should have been said that
people
 should make hitting
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 a daily hobby.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved to provide more clarity and a stronger connection to the topic. Consider adding a thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with evidence and examples. Great job!
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are organized and connected coherently throughout the essay. Well done!
lexical resource
You have a wide range of vocabulary and use it effectively to express your ideas. Great job!
grammatical range
You have a good control of grammar and use a variety of sentence structures. Keep up the good work!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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