The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The line graph and the table provide information about the monthly breakdown of temperature

as well as

annual hours of sunshine in three different countries.

Overall

, both countries experienced a different trend of climate throughout the month.

Although

, the climate in Sydney was high

initially

however

, it still remained high in the

last

month which was higher than in the other nations.

Moreover

, the

overall

number of hours of sunshine per year in New

York

was higher than in the other states

while

London recorded the least.

To begin

with, the condition in Sydney stood at 25,

nevertheless

, the figure witnessed a gradual decline to about 16 in July until it reached a peak of 25 in December which was almost the same in January. Both London and New

York

did not show much differences in their trend. They recorded about 7 and just below 5 respectively in January,

by contrast

, their figure experienced a significant growth of about 24 and 30. Surprisingly, New

York

recorded the highest condition in the middle of the month. By stark contrast, 2,533 annual hours of sunshine were spent in New

York

. The number was higher the the other country. London recorded 1,180

while

Sydney had 2,473 which was the second-highest recorded.

Submitted by mboadi211 on Sat Oct 28 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".

▼

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words york with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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