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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age groups

the chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age groups
#study #students #age #groups
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The given bar chart
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the percentage of
students
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 who choose two main reasons to
study
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 in 5
age
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 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that there was a large
disaparity
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disparity
 in two reasons
of
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for
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 studying with
career
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 reason outnumbered
interest
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 from under 26 to 39 years old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as the people got older, the was a change from studying for
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career
Correct article usage
a career
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 to
interest
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.
Reagarding
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Regarding
to
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apply
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the
age
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of
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apply
show examples
group which studying mainly for
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career
Add an article
a career
the career
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. In terms of the
age
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 group under 26 to 29, people who
study
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 to build
the
Correct article usage
a
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career
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 made up over 80 % of
students
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while
Linking Words
 just about a modest minority of 10%
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students
Change preposition
of students
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who
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apply
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study
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 for
interest
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purpose
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purposes
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. Meanwhile,
in
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at
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 the
age
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 of 30 – 39 , over
a
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apply
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half of
students
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study
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 for
career
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goal
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goals
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 which
three
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is three
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time
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times
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 more than
students
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 who
study
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 because of
interest
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. Turning to the remaining groups of
age
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 which saw the studying reasons reversed. As for the
age
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 from 40- 49, there was
a
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an
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 equal between two
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
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 of studying at exactly 40% of
students
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.
At
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In
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 the meantime,
in
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at
show examples
 the
age
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 over 49
where
Correct word choice
who
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 had a switch from studying mostly for
career
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 to
interest
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, there was about
approximatly
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approximately
 at nearly
three quarter
Add a hyphen
three-quarter
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 of
students
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 which four
time
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times
show examples
 more than
students
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 who
study
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 for
interest
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.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, study, age, career, interest with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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