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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#childeren #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Many nations have been faced with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 problem
that
Change preposition
of
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 the increasing use of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. I personally disagree with the view and its influence
the
Change preposition
on the
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 negative effects of the
children
Use synonyms
 who play with
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and will explore more of the bad effects of
this
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 situation. There is no doubt that technology impact the other condition in our
pople
Correct your spelling
people
such
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 as
children
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. The new technology
Change the verb form
is
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are make
Change the verb form
are making
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 people easier to do more
actitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 everyone believes that using the smartphone in
children
Use synonyms
 makes them lack communication, I wonder whether the other negative bears much analysis. A better example of
this
Linking Words
 can be best provided by the prevalence of obesity in
children
Use synonyms
 who spend
time
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
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.
The parents
Correct article usage
Parents
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 should manage the
time
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 duration of using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Everybody knows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
more
Add a missing verb
do more
show examples
 communication rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 with
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. It is
also
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 well known that
children
Use synonyms
 who usually play
games
Use synonyms
 on their
smartphones
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 have uncontrollable conditions.
This
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 provides a typical example of
children
Use synonyms
 who play more war
games
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; they will imagine themselves as soldiers to apply in their lives. So, the
games
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 on
smartphones
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 should be identified and selected
due to
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this
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 negative effect by parents. In conclusion, the negative effect behind the rise of improved technology
such
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 as
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 usually use them. Parents should manage and cooperate with their families to manage and solve the
time
Use synonyms
, duration, and type of
games
Use synonyms
 on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
. The effort on
this
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 will support
children
Use synonyms
's growth and development.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in the essay and provide a clear stance in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical and coherent manner, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve clarity and accuracy.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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