Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#childeren #hours #smartphones #case #development

Many nations have been faced with

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

problem

that

Change preposition

show examples

the increasing use of

smartphones

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

. I personally disagree with the view and its influence

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

negative effects of the

children

who play with

smartphones

and will explore more of the bad effects of

this

situation. There is no doubt that technology impact the other condition in our

pople

Correct your spelling

people

such

children

. The new technology

Change the verb form

show examples

are make

Change the verb form

are making

show examples

people easier to do more

actitivity

Correct your spelling

activity

Althought

Correct your spelling

Although

everyone believes that using the smartphone in

children

makes them lack communication, I wonder whether the other negative bears much analysis. A better example of

this

can be best provided by the prevalence of obesity in

children

who spend

time

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphones

The parents

Correct article usage

Parents

show examples

should manage the

time

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

duration of using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

children

. Everybody knows that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

sholud

Correct your spelling

should

Add a missing verb

do more

show examples

communication rather

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

spend

time

with

Add an article

the smartphone

a smartphone

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. It is

also

well known that

children

who usually play

games

on their

smartphones

have uncontrollable conditions.

This

provides a typical example of

children

who play more war

games

; they will imagine themselves as soldiers to apply in their lives. So, the

games

smartphones

should be identified and selected

due to

this

negative effect by parents. In conclusion, the negative effect behind the rise of improved technology

such

smartphones

and

children

usually use them. Parents should manage and cooperate with their families to manage and solve the

time

, duration, and type of

games

on their

smartphones

. The effort on

this

will support

children

's growth and development.

Submitted by nazhif27 on Sat Oct 28 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in the essay and provide a clear stance in the introduction.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your ideas in a logical and coherent manner, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.

Lexical Resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas.

Grammatical Range

Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve clarity and accuracy.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people tend to buy products or get services instantly, without waiting. Why is it happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that the government should pay money for large pieces of art, like sculptures for public display in outdoor places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more students choose to move to other countries to study their higher education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Should students choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?