IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
It is sometimes argued that each individual should take care of their physical condition
instead
 of their own profits in order to take responsibility for
society
. Personally, I completely agree that minding our own health is more significant than the gained benefits. There are various reasons why I would argue against outweighing our own profits over our fitness as a duty to the
society
 where we live.
Firstly
, it can be said with certainty that it would be a motivation to improve community healthcare. By
this
, I mean that the population maintains both physical and mental strength, which leads to a reduction in the risk of obesity and related health issues.
Secondly
, having a fit body would help them feel comfortable and energetic when doing social activities.
Finally
, joining a team sport allows us to improve important skills,
such
 as communication and cooperation, which would link the community together. I believe that when each person knows how to take care of themselves, it would benefit the government in the financial aspect and provide more opportunities to develop the country. The main basis is probably because they would spend less money on preventing and curing illness if citizens could handle and tackle their well-being problems.
Consequently
, the funds could be used for other purposes, like lifting out of poverty and investing in technological development.
For example
, after the rate of sickness had decreased by the year 2022, Vietnam’s administration used savings to enhance residents’ daily lives, including transportation, communication, and subsistence. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of being responsible for our own fitness would benefit
society
 in a positive way. People should look after their health as a duty to the
society
 where they live, rather than for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Submitted by miatr.work on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: