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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, adults are living with their parents after graduating or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #job #outweigh
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In many nations, living with their procreators as an adolescent after holding a degree
as well as
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 being employed is an arguable debate subject. I firmly opine that
this
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 trend has several benefits for relations, and provides support which is more advantageous than its drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, the major point of demerit is that residing with their
parents
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 might weaken their problem-solving skills and exacerbate them to overcome issues. What is more, it is clearly seen that most people in the United States come to their interviews with their
parents
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, but in reality,
parents
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 will pass away one day and they can not find anyone to boost their self-reliance as procreators did, and
hence
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, they are getting much weaker day-by-day.
On the other hand
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, staying apart from their
parents
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 might not be a favourable option, because it comes from many issues that they do not want to experience.
Firstly
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, if they are residing with their
parents
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, they are exempted from cooking meals and fighting off financial problems
while
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 studying or working. To cite an example, a study conducted by the University of Shanghai in 2012 found that adolescents who are with their
parents
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 were much more successful at universities, and generally, managing time under the circumstances explained above.
Secondly
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, it is a boon for someone who is either older or living with their children because of basic needs
such
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 as medical care. Admittedly, supporting their procreators and living under the family roof encourage the relations and darker the bond between them.
To conclude
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, despite some concerns in dealing with issues during life, living with the
parents
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 is substantial in the world.
Thus
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, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

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task response
You have addressed the essay prompt and provided arguments for both sides of the debate. However, your presentation of ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your main points are supported with examples. However, there are some instances where your ideas could be better connected and organized.
lexical resource
You have used a range of vocabulary and expressions, although there are instances of awkward phrasing and inappropriate word choices.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word order.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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