IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Band-9 Samples: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer to try
alternative
Use synonyms
 therapies
instead
Linking Words
 of going to their doctors.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that
this
Linking Words
 tendency is negative and in some cases, even dangerous. Doctors spend part of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 studying and watching similar cases, most of their treatments are tested and they are safe. On top of that, most
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
alternative
Use synonyms
 options come from the internet,
therefore
Linking Words
,
information
Use synonyms
 backgrounds are not checked, and they could cause collateral effects on patient's bodies.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Doctors studied for many years in order to have the knowledge and capabilities to cure illnesses. They spend part of their life studying and specializing themselves in order to be capable of fully understanding an illness and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 effects on our bodies.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Argentina, each Doctor must spend at least 10 years studying, plus a few years practising in order to become a general doctor. During their path they were able to see and analyze different cases,
therefore
Linking Words
, they are the indicated person to provide an illness's analysis and possible cures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines and therapies come from the internet,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are based on unchecked
information
Use synonyms
. All unchecked
information
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could be dangerous in the wrong hands,
this
Linking Words
 is because normal
people
Use synonyms
 are not able to understand a medical condition, and if they do, could be in the wrong way. Let us imagine a 16-year-old kid reading on any website that the cure for his pain is mushrooms, a misunderstanding of the
information
Use synonyms
 consumed by the kid could result in an intoxication.
For example
Linking Words
, during the coronavirus time, the internet was full of
alternative
Use synonyms
 cures, some of them super dangerous, and a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 tried and died
due to
Linking Words
 misinformation.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay not only agrees
that is
Linking Words
 a negative development
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
 encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to avoid them and attend to a doctor for any questions they might have

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language
Ensure precision in language use. Minor errors like 'most their treatments' should be corrected to 'most of their treatments'.
Development
Expand on examples to add depth. For instance, in the paragraph about unchecked information, more concrete examples or studies can strengthen the point.
Tone
Maintain a more formal tone consistently. The phrase 'Let us imagine a 16-year-old kid' could be phrased more formally as 'Consider a scenario where a 16-year-old...'
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear stance on the issue.
Coherence
There is a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Main arguments are supported with relevant examples, aiding in better understanding of the points raised.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: