Band-9 Samples: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#band- #samples #people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the modern era, there are

people

Use synonyms

who prefer to try

alternative

Use synonyms

therapies

instead

Linking Words

of going to their doctors.

This

Linking Words

essay believes that

this

Linking Words

tendency is negative and in some cases, even dangerous. Doctors spend part of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

studying and watching similar cases, most of their treatments are tested and they are safe. On top of that, most

Change preposition

show examples

the

alternative

Use synonyms

options come from the internet,

therefore

Linking Words

information

Use synonyms

backgrounds are not checked, and they could cause collateral effects on patient's bodies.

To begin

Linking Words

with, Doctors studied for many years in order to have the knowledge and capabilities to cure illnesses. They spend part of their life studying and specializing themselves in order to be capable of fully understanding an illness and

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

effects on our bodies.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Argentina, each Doctor must spend at least 10 years studying, plus a few years practising in order to become a general doctor. During their path they were able to see and analyze different cases,

therefore

Linking Words

, they are the indicated person to provide an illness's analysis and possible cures.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the majority of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

alternative

Use synonyms

medicines and therapies come from the internet,

therefore

Linking Words

they are based on unchecked

information

Use synonyms

. All unchecked

information

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

could be dangerous in the wrong hands,

this

Linking Words

is because normal

people

Use synonyms

are not able to understand a medical condition, and if they do, could be in the wrong way. Let us imagine a 16-year-old kid reading on any website that the cure for his pain is mushrooms, a misunderstanding of the

information

Use synonyms

consumed by the kid could result in an intoxication.

For example

Linking Words

, during the coronavirus time, the internet was full of

alternative

Use synonyms

cures, some of them super dangerous, and a lot of

people

Use synonyms

tried and died

due to

Linking Words

misinformation.

To conclude

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay not only agrees

that is

Linking Words

a negative development

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

also

Linking Words

encourages

people

Use synonyms

to avoid them and attend to a doctor for any questions they might have

Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on Wed Jun 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language

Ensure precision in language use. Minor errors like 'most their treatments' should be corrected to 'most of their treatments'.

Development

Expand on examples to add depth. For instance, in the paragraph about unchecked information, more concrete examples or studies can strengthen the point.

Tone

Maintain a more formal tone consistently. The phrase 'Let us imagine a 16-year-old kid' could be phrased more formally as 'Consider a scenario where a 16-year-old...'

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear stance on the issue.

Coherence

There is a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion.

Task Achievement

Main arguments are supported with relevant examples, aiding in better understanding of the points raised.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Your local council is considering closing a sports and leisure centre that it runs, in order to save money. Write a letter to the local council. In your letter -Give details of how you and your friends or family use the centre -Explain why the sports and leisure centre is important for the local community -Describe the possible effects on local people if the centre closes.
I am writing to express my deep concern regarding the termination of your service or in other words closing the only sport and leisure centre in this area of the town.
4.5
band
The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole
The rise of social media has had a profound impact on personal relationships and society as a whole, while there are certainly advantages to using social media for communication. This author believes that the benefits of keep in contact with people all around the world and entertainment surpass outweigh the drawbacks of feeling anxiety and depression.
6
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that the prices of high-calorie foods should be beyond the limit of consumer's purchase limit. I completely agree with this opinion because lower consumption of such meals helps to lead a healthy life and reduce financial losses.
<4
band
Some say that cars should be banned from city centres. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The many people belived that the population said that cars need be banned from city centres.
8
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Domestic migration from remote villages to modern towns and sprawling mega-cities constitutes a dominant trend in the twenty-first century. As a result, residents of rural areas are declining while those of urban regions are climbing. I wholeheartedly consider this to be a drawback owing to several malicious ramifications encompassing a reduction in agricultural products as well as public services.

Band-9 Samples: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some say that cars should be banned from city centres. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.