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Band 7

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
Nowadays, different types of
music
 sounds are rising from all over the world
such
 as timeless classics, rock with harsh influences, rap the new trend of young people, pop which can somehow adapt itself to today’s world and many more.
This
 essay will explore how melody offers us different methods to express human emotions and the importance of folk melodies compared to foreign melodies.
To begin
 with,
music
 allows people to realize and express their feelings through chant. There are songs that express our emotions when we are in different conditions,
for example
, when we are angry, joyful, in love or when we break up.
In other words
, our feelings at that moment are put into lyrics so beautifully that the feeling we experience penetrates deep into us.
Moreover
 not only the song but
also
 the singer is very important to us in
this
 condition, their experiences, voice and history are
also
 passed on to us through the song.
In addition
, today, as the power of social media increases, foreign
music
 is listened to as much as folk. Many of them can go beyond their own borders and become famous without even being popular in their own country.
Although
 local
music
 is surrounded by stricter rules at first glance,
it is clear that
 they are affected by the situation and their melodies are under revision. Many local songs are covered using different digital tools in a way that appeals to the new generation. In conclusion,
music
 will continue forever as an indispensable part of our lives and will continue to express the different feelings of all of us deep down. Whether local or foreign, will continue to interact with each other through
this
 process and influence each other
according to
 human emotions forever.
Submitted by salihzekikoni on

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coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure. Your paragraphs show some logical progression, but connecting ideas and arguments can be improved for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that introduction and conclusion are clear and they appropriately introduce and conclude the main topic. Your essay does have a recognizable introduction and conclusion, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with relevant examples or further explanation. Some paragraphs require more detailed support for the arguments presented.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. While you did provide discussion on both the necessity of music and the importance of traditional versus international music, the essay could offer a deeper exploration of these areas.
task achievement
Convey ideas clearly and develop them comprehensively. Strive for greater clarity and development in your discussion points. Avoid general statements without direct relevance.
task achievement
Include more specific, detailed, and relevant examples to underpin your arguments. The essay is somewhat lacking in rich, illustrative examples that could strengthen your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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