IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Child Labour is a major concern all over the world. What are the causes of it? How can the problem be solved?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children are experiencing extraordinary challenges in the contemporary epoch, but
mayhem
Correct article usage
the mayhem
show examples
 of
child
Use synonyms
labor
Use synonyms
 is extremely devastating.
Child
Use synonyms
labor
Use synonyms
 is referred
as
Change preposition
to as
show examples
 a phenomenon of inclusion of underage children in some sort of employment, for the sake of some monetary reward and
thus
Linking Words
 depriving them of their childhood. Experts, in
this
Linking Words
 regard, have identified a multitude of causes and highlighted the dominance of financial deprivation and failure to implement
labor
Use synonyms
 laws . To combat
this
Linking Words
 issue, I am convinced that strict actions
such
Linking Words
 as developing and applying rules against
labor
Use synonyms
 outlawry and ensuring
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
show examples
 of basic amenities at
doorstep
Correct article usage
the doorstep
show examples
, are worthwhile, strategic and
effectual
Replace the word
effective
show examples
. Amongst the major factors,
vicious
Correct article usage
the vicious
show examples
 circle of poverty is considered as the most significantly contributing element
that is
Linking Words
 vulnerable to external or internal changes. Even a slight negligence can cause massive harm. Take the instance of India, where poverty has forced a large number of miners to get engaged in
child
Use synonyms
labor
Use synonyms
, in order to provide bread and butter to their family and themselves. Another causative element which has triggered the situation to an excruciating level is the outlawry of different
labor
Use synonyms
 markets. To explicate it
further
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 markets usually prefer to hire underage younglings at low wage
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 for
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 sake of their own financial benefit. Take the example of South Asian countries, which are not able to follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labor
Use synonyms
 laws,
hence
Linking Words
 encouraging minors to work in multiple domains. In order to wrestle
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 chaotic problem, only pragmatic and properly implemented strategies can work effectively. The first mechanism is the fulfillment of
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 necessities of the residents of a state,
although
Linking Words
 it seems like an easy initiative, its implementation could be a significant challenge for the
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 people. Correspondingly, strategists have firm faith in another alternative doable solution
that is
Linking Words
 based on
stringent
Correct article usage
a stringent
show examples
 set of rules and actions against the worker’s law defaulters. Myriads of affected individuals have already attested
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 authenticity and practicality of the mentioned plan in curbing the adversaries of the situation at hand. To summarize,
child
Use synonyms
labor
Use synonyms
 is highly associated with social disparity and
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
show examples
 to follow
labor
Use synonyms
 rules. Strategies
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be developed and implemented to impede the disastrous and catastrophic circumstances.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a more thorough analysis of the causes of child labor. Expand on the factors that contribute to the vicious cycle of poverty and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a more structured manner. Provide a clear introduction that states the main points of your essay and a conclusion that summarizes your ideas. Use transitional phrases to enhance the coherence and flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and expressions. This will make your essay more engaging and impactful. Additionally, ensure that the words you use are appropriate and accurately convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Focus on improving the complexity and variety of sentence structures in your essay. Include a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to showcase your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: