Nowadays, children play less with others and this has an impart on their development. What are the reasons for this? Does it have a good or a bad effect on children?

In the modern world, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
many causes why children are spending time with
people
lower than before ,and
this
action is very important for their growth and behavior. In my opinion,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
is negative for children.
This
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
situation. First of all, if young
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aren'
t
playing
Verb problem
spending
show examples
time with others, they will have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
with
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
and health.
For example
,
people
who are playing
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
internet or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are working online
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sometime
Replace the word
some time
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
bored
Change the verb form
be bored
bore
show examples
,
also
siting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
long hours may be harmful
in
Change preposition
to
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health like short
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
and higher weight. So, I think that the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
problem
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
young
people
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
they aren'
t
attention
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
sociable
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
the development of technology like
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Secondly
, hanging out and
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
are very important for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
development because they can learn with other
people
like how to know and understand
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
such
as when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
with kids in the park, they can practice skills like how to work with
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
.
In contrast
, when children
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
play alone in
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
, they don'
t
have
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to work with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present, many young are
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
enjoying
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
alone because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they can keep in touch with others by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
like
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, I think that
this
action is very hard to change.
To sum up
, I think that the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
are spending time less because of the technology that
make
Wrong verb form
is making
show examples
the world change like humans can do
everyting
Correct your spelling
everything
online and they think that isn'
t
important to meet
people
in real life.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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task response
You need to provide more specific and relevant ideas to support your arguments. Use examples, data, or personal experiences to make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main idea of the essay. Use linking words and transitional phrases to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary. Use more precise and varied words to express your ideas. Avoid repetitive or vague language.
grammatical range
Improve your sentence structure and grammar. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence formation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social skills
  • physical activity
  • communication
  • interaction
  • bonding
  • emotional development
  • cognitive development
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • screen time
  • peer pressure
  • overprotective
  • outdoor spaces
  • play areas
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • socialization
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