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Band 3.5

More and more children are accessing the internet unsupervised at a younger age. This can sometimes put children at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children and how can that problem be solved

#children #internet #age #risk #parents #face
The graphs below give information on the fraction of trips by a form of transport in
Canada
, Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands and the reasoning for
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 people commute using their
cars
 in
Canada
.
Overall
,
cars
 tend to be the most widely used vehicles in all countries,
while
 people drive them because of the lack of alternative and their need for work. Concerning the popularity of the means of transportation,
cars
 are dominant in each country, standing at no less than 47% (in the Netherlands) and making up 9 tenths in
Canada
.
In contrast
, in European countries, public transport and on-foot
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 much more common
totaling
Change the spelling
totalling
show examples
 more than twice as much as
Canada
’s 5%.
Also
, Cycling is a notable factor in the Netherlands contributing to more than a quarter of all trips. As for the reasons standing behind
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
 in
Canada
, the most widespread ones are either having no alternative or a need for work standing at about 37% and 30% respectively. Some other reasons involve the convenience of
cars
, taking less time than other ways of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and night shifts with values ranging from a bit less than 10% to slightly above 20%
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task prompt, addressing both the problems parents face and how those problems could be solved. However, some of the information given is not directly related to the topic, such as the mention of graphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. The ideas are well organized and connected, but there could be stronger support for the main points.
lexical resource
The essay showcases a good range of vocabulary with varied and appropriate word choices. However, there are a few instances where the use of transition words and phrases could improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
grammatical range
The essay generally displays accurate grammar and sentence structures. However, there are a few errors with verb tense consistency and punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised
  • put children at risk
  • problems
  • dealing with
  • lack of awareness
  • online risks
  • monitoring
  • invasion of privacy
  • online addiction
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • proper guidance
  • digital literacy skills
  • time management
  • parental involvement
  • education
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