IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries family and friends who care for the elderly do not find time to look after them. What are the reasons and solutions?

The presented table gives information about the amount of spare
time
Use synonyms
 spent per activity by people of varying
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 in Someland.
Overall
Linking Words
, the value of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 tends to decrease with age, with the exception of the older groups,
while
Linking Words
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 or videos is by far the most popular activity for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages. We can clearly see
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that almost all ways of spending free
time
Use synonyms
 lose their attention over the course of the first 40-50 years of a person’s life. Watching
TV
Use synonyms
, socialising with 4 or more people,
group
Use synonyms
exercise
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 cinema behave in
such
Linking Words
 fashion, experiencing a severe decrease of 700, 300, 300,
25
Correct word choice
and 25
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 from about 50 years, one generally takes more
time
Use synonyms
 to get some leisure.
Thus
Linking Words
, even though some ways to spend
time
Use synonyms
 like
group
Use synonyms
exercise
Use synonyms
 plummet to zero, many make a recovery, like
TV
Use synonyms
standing
Punctuation problem
, standing
show examples
 firmly at 1100
hours
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 cinema gaining 50
hours
Use synonyms
 in comparison to its lowest point. Concerning the fraction of
time
Use synonyms
 activities take,
TV
Use synonyms
 is dominant in each
group
Use synonyms
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 1200
hours
Use synonyms
 at its peak
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 no less than 400
hours
Use synonyms
 in each
group
Use synonyms
 of age,
while
Linking Words
 the only other activity to surpass
this
Linking Words
 level is the
group
Use synonyms
exercise
Use synonyms
 for the youngest
group
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 large
group
Use synonyms
 socialising and
group
Use synonyms
exercise
Use synonyms
 are some of the most popular sorts of leisure for the teens, they give up their attention to socialising with smaller groups, individual
exercise
Use synonyms
 and cinema, with all of the latter losing a bit in numbers, though making some gains if their proportions are considered.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Give a clear start that shows the main idea. Do a short intro and a short ending. Keep big facts in one place.
Task Response
State the main trend first and then back it with data from the table. Make sure every point links to the idea before.
Task Response
Check the data in the text. Do not say facts that are not in the table. Use exact numbers from the table.
Coherence
Use simple link words to join ideas. Words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'then', 'in addition' help readers see how ideas fit.
Structure
Break long lines into short sentences. A clear and calm pace helps the reader.
Content
The essay uses data from the table to talk about changes by age.
Approach
There is a clear main topic and you try to compare age groups.
Content
The idea that TV is the most used activity is mentioned.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly care
  • work-life balance
  • geographical distance
  • support network
  • professional care services
  • extended family systems
  • responsibilities
  • burnout
  • work schedules
  • training programs
  • cost of living
  • social changes
  • caregiving
  • time constraints
What to do next:
Look at other essays: