IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car

The charts show the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car
#show #people #travel #work #bicycle #car
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The bar graph shows why people choose to go to
work
Use synonyms
 by driving or Cycling.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is evident from the charts that most people travel to
work
Use synonyms
 by cycling because there's less pollution and it promotes health and fitness,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to drive
majorly
Rephrase
mainly
show examples
 because of comfort.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,A larger percentage of people
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40% chose to travel by car to
work
Use synonyms
 for Comfort,
while
Linking Words
 a similar pattern was observed among those who enjoy cycling to
work
Use synonyms
 because of less pollution, Health and pollution as they had an equivalent figure of 30% respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
,Those who stated their reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 going to their workplace by driving a car to be
as a result
Linking Words
 of faster transportation when compared to cycling and the need to carry things to
work
Use synonyms
 had the same percentage at almost one-fifth of the total.
Finally
Linking Words
,The percentage of those who engaged in cycling to
work
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of Safety was at 11%,Just a little
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than those who cycled to
work
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of no costs and Faster than driving.
However
Linking Words
,Slightly above one-fifth had to go to
work
Use synonyms
 via
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car because of the distance.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as a result, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commute
  • sustainable
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • carbon footprint
  • fuel expenses
  • parking availability
  • gridlock
  • mass transit
  • individual choice
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