Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
It is often believed that
money
is the key reason to stay happy. Use synonyms
However
, some Linking Words
people
think that many can stay comfortably with less Use synonyms
money
. I agree with the latter statement and will provide some key factors that contribute to it.
Conflicting arguments can be made that it is important to have a luxurious lifestyle for a joyful life. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
people
spend most of their Use synonyms
life
after Fix the agreement mistake
lives
money
to bring happiness Use synonyms
in
their Change preposition
to
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Although
there are some other elements that can give us the satisfaction we need. Linking Words
Firstly
, staying around the Linking Words
people
we love, who will bring the joy with their care towards us. Use synonyms
For example
, if we are working hard to earn more Linking Words
money
but Use synonyms
at the end
of the day there is no one to share that, we would feel lonely. Linking Words
Therefore
, if we earn less Linking Words
money
but have a family alongside us, we would not feel alone.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, many can have more pleasure by helping others. Linking Words
For instance
, if a doctor stays in a remote place, where he can help Linking Words
people
by doing free volunteering, he might have immense pleasure. Use synonyms
Although
he will still have less Linking Words
money
, he will be happy because of his free services. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, we can have pleasure by providing Linking Words
foods
, Fix the agreement mistake
food
clothes
to poor Correct word choice
and clothes
people
or by giving free education to orphans.
In conclusion, I am convinced that without having much Use synonyms
money
humans can stay joyfully through their family's love and the work they do for society. Use synonyms
In addition
, it will make us realise the value of relations we share with each other.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
While your essay does exhibit a logical structure, it could benefit greatly from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices. It is important to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of linking words. Moreover, strive to make topic sentences that clearly state the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt to some extent, but there is room for improvement. Aim to fully answer all parts of the question, providing a balanced view with well-developed arguments. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarise your key points in the conclusion. Furthermore, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.