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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
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A
big
Correct word choice
large
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 number of persons
belives
Verb problem
believe
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 that the understanding of the world and the great amount of knowledge some possess is measurable in success, but not all agree. Personally, I think that in order to achieve a perfect life more than a sharp mind is required.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are more types of intelligence and
secondly
Linking Words
, there are a lot of students who graduate from Harvard or other prestigious universities but
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not become millionaires. The brain
learned
Wrong verb form
learns
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 to adapt and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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evolve over time. Today
this
Linking Words
 capacity has a name: intelligence. But in order to maintain an easy living the brain varied
this
Linking Words
 significant skill.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 there is a visible line between the type of knowledge that deals with math problems
or
Correct word choice
apply
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emotional problems or economic ones. We are part of something big, a community, that exists only because everyone has his own type of unique view and understanding,
that is
Linking Words
 how we survived hundreds of years ago.
Prosper
Replace the word
Prosperity
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 should not be viewed
like
Change preposition
as
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 the purpose for one individual but
like
Change preposition
as
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 a direction for the whole society. There are things more vital than what is taught in schools. Some crucial techniques that are being missed lead humans to inefficiencies not to fulfillness.
This
Linking Words
 can be explained by some abilities like the courage to take a step forward, to be different, to take some
responsabilites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
 on the shoulders, all stuff that can not be learnt. Being smart
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not guarantee an untroubled life,
actually
Add a comma
actually,
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 clever people tend to complicate everything by thinking too much about a simple question.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Add a stronger and more focused introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position on the topic.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas and enhance the clarity and precision of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar to minimize errors and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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