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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is you opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
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It is often claimed that mental abilities
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be
great
Change the word
greatly
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 estimated by
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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 achievements,
whereas
 other people consider
this
 can be scaled with different methods. In my opinion, success
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not determine the person’s intellect, but only shows a slight dimension of it.
This
 stance is supported by the fact that accomplishments can be influenced by various external factors and does not offer a comprehensive view of one’s intellectual capacity.
Firstly
,
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 outcomes are usually influenced by elements
such
 as luck, privilege and opportunities.
For instance
, two individuals with similar brain power may not achieve the same if one is born into a wealthy family with better educational options,
while
 the other faces significant disadvantages. Succeeding in
this
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
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 is more a reflection of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 than inherent smartness.
This
 underlines the need for alternative evaluations.
Secondly
 ,cleverness is a multifaceted concept that encompasses various forms of abilities, including emotional intelligence ,creativity,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 skills and more. Reducing all aptitudes to success oversimplifies
this
 complexity. An example of
this
 is a highly creative person who might not have obtained conventional recognition but displays
exceptional
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an exceptional
the exceptional
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 way of thinking in his artistic pursuits. Measuring somebody solely by traditional prosperity metrics would be inadequate and unjust. In conclusion,
although
 personal realization can be an indicator of brightness in some cases, it is not the best or only measure. Status can
be
Verb problem
have
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 a direct impact
of
Change preposition
on
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 exterior components but the whole mental capacity
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 a broader range of qualities ,beyond mere accomplishments. A more
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
view of
this
 topic can provide a richer and fairer assessment of somebody’s mental capabilities.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion about the topic. However, some elaboration and more specific examples would strengthen the task response.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is evident, and it includes a good introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, but there could be stronger connections between ideas and examples for better cohesion.
extended
Lexical Resource: The essay demonstrates a varied vocabulary and some complex expressions, contributing to the clarity of the arguments. However, expanding the range of academic and topic-specific vocabulary would enhance the lexical resource.
extended
Grammatical Range: The essay displays a range of sentence structures and a good control of grammar. However, some errors in sentence structure and word choice could be corrected for more precise and sophisticated language use.
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