Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways

It seems to me that the idea of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intelligence and that there are
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
people
who do not have
success
is very
controvercial
Correct your spelling
controversial
. Intellectual skills do not
necesarly
Correct your spelling
necessarily
mean
success
or financial stability, same as the fact that
success
is not only for
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
ones. Actually, the amount of quality knowledge a person has is equal to the amount of experiences he or she has accumulated in a lifetime.
For instance
, most of the professors are complaining about their
salarys
Correct your spelling
salaries
salary
and about a lot of work they have to do. They are
intelectuals
Correct your spelling
intellectuals
who studied
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
years
for teaching
Change preposition
to teach
show examples
others to become more educated. It is often claimed that to obtain
success
people
do not
necesarlly
Correct your spelling
necessarily
need studies. Indeed, there are some
people
who have not finished university and they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
millioners
Correct your spelling
millionaires
and
billioners
Correct your spelling
billionaires
.
For example
, personalities
such
as Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark
Zucekerberg
Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
, Leonardo DiCaprio and others became successful without finishing or even starting college.
Moreover
, Steve Jobs’ cause of
quiting
Correct your spelling
quitting
college was the financial problems he had.
However
, it does not mean that all these
people
mentioned before are not smart, they just have not obtained some degrees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but obtained
success
and money. To my mind,
success
is the best measure
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
courage, hard work, discipline and
last
but not least, a clear mind. It is true to say that intelligence is not about money, but
success
is.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the given topic and provides a comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the logical structure of the essay is generally effective, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas to enhance coherence.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy in communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: