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Band 3.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways

#people #success #measure #intelligence
It seems to me that the idea of
the
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apply
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success
 as
the
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apply
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proof of
the
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intelligence and that there are
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
people
 who do not have
success
 is very
controvercial
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controversial
. Intellectual skills do not
necesarly
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 mean
success
 or financial stability, same as the fact that
success
 is not only for
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
 ones. Actually, the amount of quality knowledge a person has is equal to the amount of experiences he or she has accumulated in a lifetime.
For instance
, most of the professors are complaining about their
salarys
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salaries
salary
 and about a lot of work they have to do. They are
intelectuals
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intellectuals
 who studied
some
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for some
show examples
 years
for teaching
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to teach
show examples
 others to become more educated. It is often claimed that to obtain
success
people
 do not
necesarlly
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necessarily
 need studies. Indeed, there are some
people
 who have not finished university and they
became
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become
show examples
millioners
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millionaires
 and
billioners
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billionaires
.
For example
, personalities
such
 as Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark
Zucekerberg
Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
, Leonardo DiCaprio and others became successful without finishing or even starting college.
Moreover
, Steve Jobs’ cause of
quiting
Correct your spelling
quitting
 college was the financial problems he had.
However
, it does not mean that all these
people
 mentioned before are not smart, they just have not obtained some degrees
,
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apply
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 but obtained
success
 and money. To my mind,
success
 is the best measure
for
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of
show examples
 courage, hard work, discipline and
last
 but not least, a clear mind. It is true to say that intelligence is not about money, but
success
 is.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Task Response
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Coherence and Cohesion
While the logical structure of the essay is generally effective, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas to enhance coherence.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy in communication.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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