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Band 5.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advance #technology
Nowadays, some
people
 argue that the development of
technology
 has a crucial impact on
crime
 rate reduction. To respond to that I strongly believe that
technology
 surely brings a positive impact on
crime-solving
Add an article
the crime-solving
show examples
 process.
However
, I somewhat disagree with the statement since the digital
crime
 rate is increasing significantly now.
Firstly
, the proliferation of digital
crime
 has become the real evidence of the utilization of advanced
technology
 for negative purposes.
For instance
, the government in Indonesia still have to work on the leak of public data, which has developed into a national priority under the supervision of the Ministry of Telecommunication.
Moreover
, the national budget allocation in digital security has risen
due to
this
 case.
Additionally
, some
people
also
 become a victim of online fraud.
This
 happened
due to
 the shifting of shopping behaviour of
people
, from offline to online marketplace.
On the other hand
, advanced
technology
 become an effective tool for stakeholders to combat digital
crime
 cases.
For example
, the police can find the address of perpetrators of fraud through their unique number of Internet Protocol (IP).
Moreover
, advanced
technology
 can
also
 support the
crime
 investigation process,
such
 as finding the real murderer by identifying their fingerprints. In conclusion, the development of
technology
 has two sides of impact for the
crime
 rates.
First,
it helps the stakeholders to solve the
crime
 case effectively.
On the other hand
, some greedy
people
 still try to use the advances of
technology
 for their own benefit and harm others.
Submitted by floriehendr on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
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grammatical range
Focus on improving sentence structure and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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