It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples. Write at least 250 words.

There is an assumption that it is a piece of cake for the rich to maintain their
fitness
compared to
people
with lower financial status. These poor
people
struggle to buy fresh
food
,
in addition
, to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to the
gym
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
their well-being. Personally, these crystal clear obstacles could be removed easily by wealthy individuals. The main significant obstacle to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life is
insufficient
Add an article
an insufficient
show examples
amount of fresh vegetables and
fruits
Change the noun form
fruit
show examples
consumption. When these
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
consumed enough, individuals can easily absorb essential
vitamins
and minerals into their bodies. To illustrate
this
, healthcare professionals suggest various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
, preferably fresh
green leafed
Add a hyphen
green-leafed
show examples
vegetables, to digest crucial
vitamins
for the human body. These digested
vitamins
and minerals provide an appropriate environment for human enzymes, functioning as
hormon like
Add a hyphen
hormon-like
show examples
structures.
Furthermore
, those who can afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fresh goods
are be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
able to improve their
fitness
. Eventually, the poor might be challenged to invest enough money to buy some fresh
food
. Since some citizens could struggle to invest
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
diet, another problem is creating a budget for a
gym
membership. Despite the fact that you do not have to go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
to improve neither endurance nor
fitness
, it will be really easy
with going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
to a
gym
frequently. These
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
are highly effective, having machines for burning fat, because they provide a space for doing exercises.
For instance
, treadmills are a good type of machinery to lose weight during cold weather outside in winter.
As a result
,
while
wealthy individuals could subscribe to a
gym
easily, it could be hard for those poor
people
. In conclusion, it is claimed that the rich can keep their
fitness
level conveniently through
reaching
Verb problem
eating
show examples
fresh
food
and going to a
gym
compared to the poor. Definitely,
people
with low financial status could struggle to maintain their
well-beings
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. They might not be able to benefit from
fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
or adequate
vitamins
and minerals.
Submitted by historicalpen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing your ideas more coherently.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to provide a better structure to your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clear and comprehensive throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Improve the grammatical range and accuracy in your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: