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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Annual Rainfall in Kona, Hawaii The graph and table below show the average monthly rainfalls and average annual rainfalls for three towns in the district of Kona in Hawaii for a 30-year period (1971-2000). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Annual Rainfall in Kona, Hawaii The graph and table below show the average monthly rainfalls and average annual rainfalls for three towns in the district of Kona in Hawaii for a 30-year period (1971-2000). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph depicts
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 mean monthly
rainfall
Use synonyms
 for three towns in the district of Kona in Hawaii between the years 1971 and 2000. The table illustrates the
overall
Linking Words
 average annual
rainfall
Use synonyms
 in these three towns namely, Kainaliu, Opihihale and Holualoa, during the same timeframe.
Overall
Linking Words
, Kainaliu had the highest average
rainfall
Use synonyms
, followed by Holualoa and Opihihale had the least
rainfall
Use synonyms
, at roughly 138,110 and 97 respectively. Kainalu faced major fluctuations in
rainfall
Use synonyms
 throughout the year.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
show examples
 there was a 3
Use synonyms
cms
Change the noun form
cm
show examples
 dip during the first two months, after which the mean monthly
rainfall
Use synonyms
 gradually increased till July, reaching a peak of approximately 17
Use synonyms
cms
Fix the agreement mistake
cm
show examples
. During August the
rainfall
Use synonyms
 again declined by 2
Use synonyms
cms
Fix the agreement mistake
cm
show examples
 before rising back to the peak. In the
last
Linking Words
 couple of months, a steady decrease in
rainfall
Use synonyms
 was experienced in
this
Linking Words
 area of town, from 17
Use synonyms
cms
Fix the agreement mistake
cm
show examples
 in September to 7
Use synonyms
cms
Fix the agreement mistake
cm
show examples
 in December. Similar trends from July to December
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 seen in Holualoa, which fluctuated before experiencing a steep decrease from October.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Opihihale experienced minor fluctuations
througout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the year, with
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 average monthly
rainfall
Use synonyms
 falling between 6
Use synonyms
cms
Fix the agreement mistake
cm
show examples
 and
11cms
Correct your spelling
11 cm
. In conclusion, Kainalu had the highest
rainfall
Use synonyms
 in July and September at nearly
17cms
Correct your spelling
17 cm
, followed by Holalua having
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 highest in July at
12cms
Correct your spelling
12 cm
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Ophihale experienced
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 highest in September at a little less than 11cms.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rainfall, cms with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
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