IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both options and give your opinion.

It is true that manufacturers and supermarkets should pay more attention to
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the amount of cover of
products
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.
However
Linking Words
, some people consider that
customers
Use synonyms
 have the responsibility to purchase
goods
Use synonyms
 which have less packaging. Both opinions have their reasons, but I support the first idea. On the one hand, manufacturers and supermarkets are able to prevent selling too much cover of
products
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 to
customers
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 because I think they have more resources and funds to achieve
this
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 target.
In addition
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, it is the most effective way to protect the environment. If the sellers do not provide over-packaged
goods
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,
customers
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 will not have the chance to buy that kind of product.
As a result
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, the packaging is expected to not be harmful to the environment.
For example
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, recently, lots of companies,
such
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 as Apple and Samsung, designed a special paper box which only contains paper
instead
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 of plastic to protect smartphones. In
this
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 way, when people buy a smartphone, they can receive an eco-friendly package.
On the other hand
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, some criticisms contend that
customers
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 should be aware of purchasing over-packaged
products
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. Since humans are living on the Earth, we need to be conscious of the importance of protecting it. They believe that if
customers
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 do not buy those
products
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 anymore,
this
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 condition can let companies upgrade their
goods
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.
However
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, I think that
this
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 method is too ideal to realise
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because educating people to avoid buying
goods
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 with a lot of packaging is really challenging. Price affects their decisions significantly, so they will not consider the package.
Therefore
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, it is very hard to make
this
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 idea come true. In conclusion, manufacturers and supermarkets can efficiently reduce the amount of packaging of
goods
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 because they have more resources.
Although
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 it is important to let
customers
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 have a sense of avoiding buying
goods
Use synonyms
 with a lot of packaging, it is too difficult to achieve.

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Task Achievement
Although the main ideas are clear, try to develop your arguments further by providing more detailed explanations and analysis. This can enhance your essay's depth and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your ideas to create a more seamless transition from one paragraph to another. Use linking phrases more effectively to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the eco-friendly packaging used by Apple and Samsung, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states your opinion, which is crucial for setting the context of your essay.
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